Monday, April 19, 2010

All About Eve

So let's talk about Eve. Yeah, like the first woman, Eve. So, here's a woman, one woman, who is entirely responsible for the hardships of womanhood. Cramps. PMS. Mood swings. Contractions. Episiotomies. Labor pains. Tampons. They're all her fault. Can you imagine that? What a burden to carry!

And there have definitely been months when dear Aunt Flo is making her visit and my uterus feels as though it is being wrung inside out and I am cursing the hell out of Eve, "Damn you Eve! There is no frickin' way any apple could have tasted good enough to be worth all this pain!"

So yeah, in my lowest of feminine moments, I find comfort in abominating Eve. It feels kind of good to have someone to blame. Stupid Eve.

On the other hand . . .

I love being a woman. For many of the very obvious reasons. Doing my hair. Wearing makeup. Haagen Daas. Carrying my babies in my womb. Nurturing my family. But it wasn't until recently that I've seen one of the annoying cursing-out-Eve aspects in a different light.

I don't need to explain to any woman, or any married man for that matter, the emotional roller coaster that we females ride on. At times I can feel quite guilty because I know that my man and my children are sometimes undeservedly on the receiving end. When I find myself livid over spilled milk, crying because my clothes aren't fitting how I'd like, yelling at my children to stop yelling or becoming misty eyed over a commercial, chances are that there just may be a few hormones racing through my body. Just maybe.

I really believe that no one's happy if Mama ain't happy and I fully realize that my mood truly sets the tone in our home. That's a big responsibility and one that I'm not sure I want to have. And with that there is a huge challenge in dealing with these hormonal mood crashes and also not being a complete monster to be around. I love my Midol, but apparently you need a prescription if "bitchy" is one of your symptoms.

But with the tumultuous emotional storms come the highs. And it is my hunch that because of our hormones, women may have a larger capacity for truly experiencing the heights of joy.

There are times that I just look at my family and cry. I feel such an abundance of gratitude, an overwhelming awe that I have been so lavishly blessed. I feel so elated and delighted with my life right now. Excited. Mirthful. Ecstatic. Jubilant. Gratified. Peaceful. I've never been a man, but do they feel these emotions the way we do?

Although it's pessimistic, I realize that this bliss will go away. Life will inevitably bring on its lows again. But right now, here in this moment, I am so thankful for finding and experiencing real joy.

And I think it's a fair trade. At times, I am a hysterical psycho-bitch.

But at other times, I am able to feel the epitome of high spirits.

So, I guess I should also thank Eve. As the mother of all mothers, the woman of all women, the absolute matriarch, thank you for making our sisterhood exactly what it is.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Embarassing Secrets to a Happy Marriage

Okay, so I am a little mortified to admit this. I am trusting that anyone who knows me well enough to be reading my blog will not judge me. Right? There will be no judging???

So, here it goes . . .

Hulu has helped the state of my marriage. For those of you who don't know, as I didn't until recently, is this magical web site on which you can watch all of your favorite, latest television shows on your computer for free, whenever you want.

So again, yes, Hulu has helped the state of my marriage. Not that there was anything wrong to begin with. But to help you understand, picture this . . .

Our two sometimes monstrous children are finally in bed. Their parents, weary with the day's load, flop down onto the couch, our limbs like spaghetti noodles, limp and dangling at our sides, our necks too tired to hold up our heads. Perhaps we drool. One of us faintly moans as we extend our reach to the coffee table a whopping two feet away to grasp the television remote. For the rest of the evening, we stare at the screen with an occasional grunt, a scratch, a fidget and many peanut gallery comments from my one and only.

Or . . . Suzy Homemaker (that's me) goes about her tasks during the day with pep and gusto. Laundry, dishes, cooking and cleaning are no longer chores, but exciting endeavors, for they can be accomplished while watching Parenthood, The Biggest Loser, The Marriage Ref, Everybody Loves Raymond or American Idol. At five o'clock, she greets her husband with a smile and a kiss. Post children's bedtime, she and hubby no longer play zombie, but have many more evenings devoted to conversation and other things.

Jason and I will be married for seven years this September. And last night, during one of these conversations, I learned more about Jason's job than I think I have during our entire relationship. He has had the same job since I met him, but it was just last night that I received a personal tutorial on the ins and outs of IT. Even more amazing than that is that I really found it interesting. I'm not quite there yet, but I am anxious to understand what vmware does and what a virtual server actually is.

So, I realize that this is a no-brainer, but I am reminded that frequent, real conversations with your spouse are pretty vital to the vitality of your marriage. And for Jason and I, if we are busy watching TV most evenings, there just isn't enough time left for that. Or other things.

So, thank you Hulu. Thank you for making it possible that this housewife will never again be subject to daytime television. Thank you for making primetime television viewable whenever I have socks to fold. And thank you to my husband for being my best friend who I just love to chat with and hang out with.