Tonight at St. Luke began a several week program about prayer. I was really hoping to make it there. Wednesday nights I usually try and get to the Y for Zumba class, but I was willing to drop that for a while so that we could participate in this program.
Teresa seems to have other plans. And earlier today, Jenny let me know that so does the Lord.
I had thought that things would be easier with an almost five month old baby than with a five week old. But honestly, with this baby, they're not. I am trying to accept that with grace, with humility and with thanksgiving for all of our blessings. But in the middle of the night, I often fail at that. In fact, lately in the middle of the day I am so tired that I often fail then too.
Right now, Teresa has a cold. She was crying last night for the most part between 9:00 pm and 2:00 am. She wouldn't nurse. All I could do was walk her around, try to comfort her and pray. Prayers for her. And prayers for myself, that I may have the grace to give her the comfort, love, patience and understanding that she needs.
With extreme fatigue today, I realized that making it to Church tonight to learn more about prayer was not going to happen. I am disappointed.
I have been trying to read my 20 minute Bible reading each day so that by the end of the year, I will have read the entire book. I have also been trying to read my Jesus Calling devotional each day. This week it hasn't really happened.
Yesterday's devotion explained that Jesus is the ultimate time manager. We cannot withhold spending time with Him through His Word and through prayer because we are too busy. For when we do make the time, we will see that our time is much more easily managed. I know this and I have experienced it. I believe it to be true. And yet this week, I have not been able to make the time for my Bible reading and devotional.
Earlier today I felt like I was failing, that I was in a way, standing Jesus up for our date, each day that I missed my time to read the Bible.
Jenny explained otherwise.
She said that I am not being called to learn more about my prayer life at Church right now. Right now, Jesus is calling me to pray with Him at 2:00 am as I hold a crying, inconsolable baby in my arms.
How simply put. And how true.
And rather than feel guilty when I miss my Bible reading or can't make it to a Church lesson about prayer, I can take comfort in knowing that if I can't keep our date, Jesus will reschedule.
