Burnout

Tiredness, an inevitability of parenting small children, ails me this week. There are several reasons: toddlers' nightmares, talking too late with Jason, marathon training, last weekend's trip to Portland, this weekend's catering job for 100 people and then of course, just the infinite cooking, cleaning, laundry and dishes dance.

So, yes, I have good reason to be tired, right? It's okay for me to have a week where I just get by, right? It's okay if all the cleaning doesn't get done, right? If we order pizza for dinner one night? If I don't get all my runs in? If we watch a little more TV? If there's laundry in the dryer from two days ago?

Hopefully you know that those questions are rheutorical. But then why don't I? Why do I still have this pressing sense of guilt when I have a week like this?

Yes, I am being a little bit lazier. Letting things slide some. There's definitely a long to-do list with not so many things getting done. I am on auto-pilot, accomplishing the minimum.

But here's the thing - both me and my family are in need of some downtime. So then by instating a temporary much more relaxed attitude, aren't I just giving my family what they need and taking care of myself? Why, oh why, the ever presence of guilt? It's like one of the mysteries of the world or something, because it makes absolutely no sense.It's like I feel guilty for being a good mom!

So I am banishing this weight from my shoulders, replacing it with gratitude. For I should be grateful. I have been granted a mother's instinct, an awareness of my family's needs, a grace which allows me to serve my family the best that I can.

And if that means I don't shower today, then so be it. Who am I to inhibit grace from working in my life?