Mamma's No Recipe Cookin'

This is where it starts. A small, very humble kitchen. But it gets the job done and a lot of great food comes out of it.

 What's for dinner tonight? How many times will you think and hear that question today? If your days are anything like mine, it's probably too many.

I have spent the past twelve years or so working on my cooking skills. Somehow, I have gained a reputation as a "good cook," which I have to admit I am proud of. I especially love hearing about when Jason's coworkers envy the leftovers he brings for lunch. It makes me feel like the wife of the year :)

As I have gained this reputation, some women have commented about how they worry about cooking for me. This always makes me laugh because it is just silliness. First of all, if someone else made me one freezer-burned chicken nugget, I would be thrilled because it would be a break from cooking for me. I love to cook, but it can become monotonous and tiring. Second of all, I am most critical of my own cooking. Food that others cook tastes amazing!

I guess I also think it's silliness because I'm really not all that talented. My gift comes from two things. The first is the wonderful women around me who I have learned from, especially my mother. I definitely had a strong advantage growing up as my mother is very talented and I was able to observe and take in a lot of her techniques. (Yet I still cannot make tuna casserole, beef stroganoff or Swedish meatballs as well as she does. I try. But for some things, you just need your mama's cooking.) There are definitely others in my life who have been inspirational. I will never forget my grandmother Mimi's roast lamb, my Aunt Joanna's fish tacos and homemade pesto, my Aunt Judy's homemade rolls, my grandfather Papa's homemade pies or my dad's ham waffles and his fried eggs.

Courage is the second place where my skill comes from. It's simply the "I  can do that" attitude. It is simply because of this that I can make great curry, phad thai, paneer, homemade cinnamon rolls, fresh pasta, beef wellington, egg rolls, fresh summer rolls, baked alaska, tiramisu and the best damn cannelloni that you will ever eat.  Almost all of these things I learned how to make because I love them. The beef wellington was more like a challenge, but it came out great.

Cooking takes practice. If you won't cook because you say you can't, then you'll never get any better. The more you cook, the better you'll get. For the most part, it really is that simple. When I try to cook new things, I often screw them up. I once made the worst peanut sauce known to man and then there was the time I had curry soup explode all over my kitchen.

Through these years of daily practice, I have acquired one specific skill that I would like to teach you about. I use this skill almost daily and it makes my cooking more enjoyable, it helps my meals to stay fresh and new and it also helps my cooking to go faster. The skill I am talking about is cooking without recipes.

Let me specify that I do not mean baking. For me, baking requires a recipe and exact measurements. But for almost everything else, I wing it. And you can too. Of course, I still look at recipes every week. And if I decide to cook something new for company, then I definitely look up a recipe. Recipes are a necessary part of learning how to cook.

Here is where a lot of the magic happens and where I can get creative.

However, there is also a beauty to cooking without them. Without a recipe, you really get to know your ingredients. You learn what goes well with what. You learn the differences between all of those spices and how to use them. You learn your own preferences and tastes and are able to customize your meals more. You experiment more. Sometimes disaster is the outcome, but many other times it turns out terrific. And the more you cook without recipes, the more often your results will be scrumptious.

In the upcoming weeks, I will be writing about this more. I will talk about how to set up your kitchen, fridge and pantry for no-recipe cooking. I will talk about the ingredients you need on hand for different ethnicities. And I will feature many meals that you can master without a recipe. And phad thai is one of them.

Mamma Can't Live Without . . .

Reading a book from daddyread.com

So, I've realized that one of the most helpful things I find about reading others' blogs is their advise about the tools they use for everyday life. I have discovered so many wonderful things this way! There is such an abundance of information out there, making it difficult to discern the good from the bad. And when I look at my life, I realize that there are many things that I go back to again and again, so I will be featuring a variety of things on my blog every week or so.

For instance, Mamma can't live without . . .

High Quality Children's Books Web Sites

Speaking of abundance, how about children's books? Sometimes I wonder what you have to do in order to get one published, because I'm sorry, but the majority of them seem like crap. Have you ever had your child latch onto one of those awful ones and ask you to read it fifty thousand times? No fun. But the truth is that there are some AMAZING children's books out there if you know where to look. The trick is sorting the crap from the awesomeness so that your child has the right books to pick from. When your child chooses a book over and over again that has you laughing till you snort, recalling your childhood or  getting slightly teary, well, that's a win win!

As a homeschooling mom, we literally go through hundreds of books. Thank God for our library system. The Snohomish Library System alone is reason to move up north. Can I just say no late fees! We honestly could not afford homeschooling without our library. That's a whole other Mamma Can't Live Without.

So I regularly check three different web sites to get ideas for children's books. Then I just put them on hold at the library.

The first great site I found is www.daddyread.com/

This is an awesome site because it divides books into age level, it gives thorough descriptions of the books, it will tell you if a book has content that some parents may find a little inappropriate and it tells you if there is an audiobook.

The second is www.boysread.org

Finding books that boys truly enjoy can sometimes be difficult. The books listed on this web site are AWESOME. I have told a few other moms about it and all have been so excited to see their little man get into reading.

Lastly, I love www.readkiddoread.com

This web site divides books into age levels as well as into genres. It includes nonfiction books, which my boys really like. Also, it seems to be the web site that most often puts up new books.

Happy reading!!!

Phases

First time in the snow!

Do you ever find yourself pretending you are in a different phase of life than you are? Most of us cling to our youth in some way. For me, I did this for many summers wearing a two piece bathing suit. Most of the time, I think my body was at a reasonable weight for this. But really, with the road map of stretch marks left across my tummy from growing, kicking babes in my womb, why oh why would I do this? I know why. I didn't want to be past the bikini-wearing stage of my life. I was in denial about those silver lines on my abdomen and on my hips. Thankfully, I have found a web site which sells flattering, supportive, sexy bathing suits for reasonable prices. Here's my new favorite one: www.figleaves.com

I have found that lately, I seem to think I am further along in the stage of motherhood than I actually am. It seems that I think I am actually in my fifties with independent children and that I have a whole lot more time to myself. (That will happen someday, right???) When the new year came along, I decided that this year would be the year for me to finish my novel. Can I please now just say, only about a month later - YEAH RIGHT! What a joke! As much as I would LOVE to do this, it is simply not feasible. Basically, I would have to get up everyday at the butt crack of dawn and write for two hours. Sorry, nope. I choose sleep. I need to choose sleep. This is not a selfish choice, but a life-giving one. I have a hard enough time being patient with my little darlin's. I would be the mother from hell if I was continually sleep deprived for the next year.

Sledding for the first time near our home

Realizing this, I made a schedule that included everything I needed in my week, plus 1 1/2 hours of writing each day. Okay, well if absolutely nothing ever happened unexpectedly, then maybe that would work. If there were no blowout diapers. If I never talked on the phone. If no one ever got sick. If there were no accidents, meaning both skinned knees and puddles of pee on the floor. If I never needed to help a friend.

It's funny how we become impatient for the next phase of our lives. Remember this as a kid? Wanting so much to be a grownup? Ironic now. Joshua reminded me of this today in the car when he exclaimed, "I've been waiting for this for years!" Ha! At the age of six, he thinks he's been waiting a long time. Funnier still is what he's been waiting for; to be in a spelling bee. Next month he will give this his first try and apparently that won't be soon enough. Ya know, since he's waited many a year and all.

My Snow Angel feeling true joy

I am working on this. I suppose we all are. To live in the moment. What a fabulous, comforting and calming notion. Is anyone actually capable of this? I surely am not. It seems I am always planning. The next meal. The next lesson. The next day. The next trip. The next baby. It is February in 2012 and I have things on my calendar in 2013. Is this odd? Am I actually a very sick, sick woman? I think it's possible.

I want to enjoy my children right now. This very day. This very moment. Their giggles, their smiles, their eyes lit up, their excitement and enthusiasm, their sense of wonder and discovery, their insatiable curiosity, their silliness, their bounding growth in height, in love and in spirit. It all slips through my hands like water. 

Enjoying Veronica's wonder

Veronica will be one next month. A whole year. She is crawling, cruising and has just begun to use her walker toy around the house. She'll be walking on her own in the next few months. Beginning to talk. No longer a baby, but a toddler.

Anyway, I had not written on my blog in a long time. All writing energy was being devoted to my book, but the truth is that wasn't really happening too much either. For now, what I need to do is let it go. And I need to be okay with letting it go. For now. Maybe I'll be there in ten years. But there I go again - planning.  I do love to write. And my blog is a very realistic way for me to do that. I truly enjoy it. It's cathartic. I realize that maybe like two people read it, but I'm okay with that.

The little princess is getting so big in her bubble bath - she's almost outgrown her tub!

Recent Realizations

Have you ever been surprised to find yourself changed? When some aspect of yourself is somehow different than you remembered it? How can this happen? Don't we live with ourselves every single moment of every single day? How can we just wake up one day and feel strange in our own skin?

I have always felt that I know who I am. What I believe. What I like. What I don't like. But if these undetected changes can occur, who's to say I would even recognize myself twenty years in the future?

Part of this is that I am just now coming out of the fog. The post-baby fog, that is. Veronica turned seven months old a couple of days ago. And I feel as though I am taking an inventory of where my life is. For instance, it suddenly became very apparent that we need to be working with Joshua in some more creative ways to help him along in his emotional maturity. And by emotional maturity, I mean not throwing a frickin' fit or having a complete meltdown every single time he's disappointed. And it's not like I'm talking about huge disappointments either. He recently had a tantrum because the DVD we watched didn't have any bonus features other than "Watch with Commentary." Of course, he was tired at the time. But still. Kind of eye opening.

And we have also discovered that we need to be working with Noah on his apt to be living in his own little world. It's something that I love about him very much. But it can also be aggravating, such as when I give him an instruction and he completely forgets it within ten seconds. On a particularly bad day, it was frightening. I had my worst scare thus far (and hopefully ever) when putting Veronica into a grocery cart on a shopping trip this past week. After the ninety seconds or so of buckling Veronica, I looked up and Noah was gone.

Immediately, I was yelling his name, searching frantically and praying. I realized that if anyone was going to grab a child, the entrance of a grocery store would be the perfect spot because of all of the people coming and going. But after a few minutes, my prayers were answered and Noah was looking up at me with his enormous, unblinking eyes. Angry and scared, I reprimanded him. He bust into tears. I still lectured him, but was then able to hold him in my arms and comfort him. Of course, he was scared too. He had simply walked into the store and continued on, believing we were all still beside him.

And that's the problem that we need to work on. I'm all for imaginative play. But Noah can be completely unaware of the world around him. He's the kid that walks into large objects. Such as trees. How do we work on this? I'm not sure yet and am very open to any suggestions you may have.

Anyway, back to the fog lifting. It seems that now I am getting regular sleep, I am becoming more aware of the areas of my life other than Veronica that need some attention.

And I am also becoming more aware that I am not the same woman I was before our third child.

I am even more protective and particular with how I spend my time, probably because I have less of it. TV watching is at an all time low in our house.

I am becoming more of a homebody.

I still love to entertain and love a big crowd, but am realizing that I work too hard. Or at least too hard for this new, unfamiliar me. We had our 5th Annual Halloween Party last night, which was awesome. But I think for next year, I will definitely be searching for ways to make things simpler and easier. First of all, I made way too much food. Big surprise :)

I have become more comfortable with the phase of life I am in. Many people ask how my book is coming. And while it is still very close to my heart and I think about it a lot, I just don't have time to write a novel right now. But I will. Possibly when I don't have little ones who are quite dependent on me. 

Also, for my sanity, I absolutely need time in my house by myself occasionally. I know all moms need this, but with homeschooling I find that it is crucial to the health of our family life. I mean, I love my children, but I am pretty much with them all of the time, every day. Thankfully, my amazing husband has no fear of taking all three children away so that I can have this. He loves to take care of me. But it has its benefits for him too, such as giving our intimate life a boost. And it also probably helps me to be a more interesting person for him to be married to. I would guess he gets a little bored of conversing about nap times, feeding schedules and spit-up. When I have time at home by myself, I can write, read and catch up a little on the news. It's kind of like I return to being part of normal, adult society.

I guess it's not surprising that having a baby would cause some changes other than to my hips. I mean, there's a whole other life in our house. A whole other person. A whole other human being. A whole other personality developing that didn't used to be there. She is more attached to me than either of our boys ever were. The other night she was crying because Jason was feeding her dinner in her high chair. The audacity. The nerve. As soon as I took over, she was fine.

I have an entirely new relationship. I have a daughter now. That rocks my world.

I look forward to seeing what other changes in myself may have also developed. It's nice to know that my personality is not stagnant. Who knows? Maybe all of the sudden I'll become a stand-up comedian. The new Jerry Seinfeld. It could happen . . .

:)

 

 

 

 

 

 

The "Dirty Thirty"

Well, I was recently informed by my twenty-six year old brother, Brendan (who is much cooler, hipper and more with-it than I am), that not only am I entering my thirties next week, but I will be celebrating my "dirty thirty." What does this mean? I have no idea what this means. I take my lack of knowledge in this area as an indication of how far away my life is from a typical thirty-year-old's.

So, how do I feel about entering my thirties?

Well, at thirty years old, I have been a wife for eight years. At thirty years old, I am a mother of three. Sometimes I can't believe it myself. And yet, at about the age of ten, this is exactly what I pictured for my life. And I do feel so blessed to be able to say that. 

But lately I have found myself a little self-conscious about the domesticity of my lifestyle, especially when certain people visit our home--something that I feel paints such a vivid picture of who I am. Meeting someone for the first time in our house can feel a little too personal, as if they are forming their first impression of me by reading my thoughts.

First of all, our house looks and feels very lived in. Which makes sense, because we live in it. But this is no Pottery Barn catalog picture here. It's not that it's dirty really. I feel like I keep a reasonably clean house. Or at least I'm comfortable with it. But the last time someone new was going to come to our house, I scanned our rooms with different eyes. The baby swing in the corner. The dozens of cookbooks on the shelf. The eighty or so library books piled in the living room. The small fingerprints on the windows. The coffeepot with brown splashes covering its white surface, because it is wiped down too seldom and greatly depended on every single morning.The wine rack holding a couple of half drunk bottles. The stone cross hung on the wall with palms fixed behind it.

Furthermore, I feel that our home gives great indication of our financial position, something I may not always be comfortable sharing with all who enter. But there's the deck that needs to be replaced. The hardwood floors that need to be refinished. The dated, single-pane, aluminum windows. The trim that needs to be repainted. The driveway that needs to be repaved. The missing baseboards that need to be replaced. The lawn that needs to be re-landscaped. We slowly pick away at the projects our house presents to us, all of which require extra money and extra time, two rarities in our home.

Am I embarrassed of these things? Not really. In fact, in the depth of my heart, I am proud of them. The baby swing represents the new life that is growing here. The cookbooks, my love of cooking. The library books, our choice to homeschool. The fingerprints, my curious two sons. The dirty coffeepot, my life as a stay-at-home mom in which I believe there are more important things than just cleaning. The wine bottles, time with friends. The cross, my relationship with Jesus.

Even the undone projects can be a source of pride if I think about them the right way. They are an indication that we are living within our means, that we are making mature and wise choices with our money and that in the past year and a half, we have not put one single transaction on a credit card, but rather, cut our credit card debt nearly in half.

But although in my heart I am sincerely proud and feel truly blessed, at times I feel self conscious of the way my life may look from the outside. I fear that it may appear that I am a brainless woman with no ambition except to fold laundry and have babies. I also sometimes fear that I will always be somewhat of an oddity with people my own age, because I began building my family so young in life. And even at thirty, the desire to belong is definitely present.

So, again, how do I feel about entering my thirties? Honestly, I feel great. My life is just what I dreamed it would be and I cannot believe how lucky I am that I can say that with great honesty. My only reservations about my age come into being when I consider what everyone else may think about my life. And what good does that ever get anyone?

I will be spending my birthday with my loving husband, my three children and other family while on a week long camping trip at Sun Lakes. I have recently decided that I am a Yes Mom, something which I may write about soon.

So, yes, I am taking a four-month-old baby camping. Yes, I am a stay-at-home, Catholic, homeschooling, middle class mom.

And yes to entering my thirties :)

Quote of the Day

"I actually don't think I'm going to get a job when I grow up. I'm just going to live here." 

-Joshua Burdullis, age 6

Should I be worried???

The First Month

Well, here I am over two months since writing last. And now I'm working on two entries in the same day. Tomorrow will be one month since the birth of our new daughter, Veronica Margaret Burdullis. Time is so strange; moving slowly in some moments and then faster than I can fathom.

Veronica was 8 pounds 14 ounces when she was born. Four days later she had lost a little weight as most babies do their first week. She was 8 pounds 9 ounces. Ten days later she weighed 10 pounds 8 ounces. And this morning I got on the scale with her and she is over 13 pounds! I've already had to begin putting away some of the clothes she has outgrown. A little bittersweet. Happy to see that my milk is doing its job and that she's healthy. Sad to see that it is already going by so quick.

Needless to say, she is growing very quickly and thriving. She is already smiling at me occasionally and has become much more alert in the past week. She enjoys hearing me sing and will stare up at my face with wide, doe eyes and a look of such intensity and love. One night, I was rocking her to sleep and she was gazing at me in this way. I thought that I might be distracting her and keeping her awake, so I hid my face from her. She immediately began crying. When I was in view again, she quieted and stared once more. I did this a few times and each time she would begin crying. I am totally in love with her and apparently, the feeling is mutual.

Our first week was spent with non-stop nursing. Hence all the growing.  When I was telling this to Jenny, she wondered aloud why God designed women so that their milk doesn't come in for a few days. I thought about it and although it was frustrating at the time, I saw the beauty in it. It means that for the first several days, mother and baby spend almost all of their time bonding. And it forces mom to sit and rest so that she can begin recovering from the birth.

The past weeks have been unpredictable. I am usually a schedule kind of girl and of course there just isn't one right now. And there are times when I am eager for a schedule, when I am anxious for the days when Veronica will sleep through the night, when she will be able to communicate with me in other ways than crying, when she won't need to be settled back down when she spits up for the millionth time, when my clothes and her clothes won't be perpetually damp, when I feel like I can make plans with a bit of certainty, when I can give a more equal amount of time to Joshua, Noah and Jason, when my body looks back to normal, etc, etc, etc.

But there is a beauty in having several children that makes it easier to put these anxieties aside. I've been through it before. I know what to expect. I have more confidence. And hopefully without sounding arrogant, I am a better mom than I used to be. It's a natural process that occurs. The longer you practice something, the better you become. This doesn't mean that I think I am Supermom or anything. I believe this happens with all mothers. For the past six years, I have worked on skills that help immensely when adapting to life with a newborn: flexibility, patience, time management, staying calm in the midst of chaos and being more comfortable with lowering my standards when needed.

People have asked me how I am doing many times over the past month. Why is it that I want to make life sound harder than it is? I feel self conscious admitting just how happy I am. I find myself giving answers that focus on my tiredness because I feel like people's assumption is that life is really hard right now. But really, it's not. Life is great. I have never felt so much joy as I have the past month. I'm really not that sleep deprived. Veronica wakes two or three times each night, but I am usually back to bed within thirty minutes. And I am better at dealing with my tiredness. My body has recovered quickly. I have continued to have a parade of friends and family bringing us meals and gifts. The parade is ending this week, but after such a long break from cooking, I am excited to begin again. It's one of my favorite things.

Life is so good. For the past six years, I have also continued to work on living in the moment. It's a lifelong journey, but I have definitely gotten better. And just as I did not want to wish away the last five weeks of pregnancy, I am making that conscious effort once again. Sure, I'm tired. Sure, I can get overwhelmed. And most definitely sure, I can get hormonal. Just ask Jason. But that's all part of it.

And most of the time, I am really enjoying it.