Getting Older . . . Maybe Not So Bad?

Everyday we are bombarded with all of the reasons that getting older sucks. On TV, in magazines, in books, on the shelves of Walgreens - we can never escape this idea. We are constantly reminded of many bereavements to come: crows feet, sun spots, memory loss, breasts that may not be quite as perky, stretch marks, gray hairs and on and on and on.

Well, I would like to take this time to remind everyone (including myself) that there are also some really wonderful things about the aging process.

The most obvious of these is wisdom. For instance, I have started a vegetable garden this year for the first time, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. But I am enjoying it a lot, and it is exciting to know that in twenty years I will (hopefully) have gained a lot of knowledge.

That is a very pragmatic example, but obviously the benefits of gained wisdom reach to all areas of our lives. I have noticed that this extends to my own vanity. Those who know me know that I am a girly girl and love to do my hair and make-up and put on a party dress. But still, I also don't care quite as much as I used to. My weight and my appearance are no longer such a high priority. That's not to say that I'm "letting myself go," but these things just aren't as important to me because I now have so many more aspects of my life that I cherish.

We just returned from another fabulous week-long Fourth of July vacation with my family in Chelan. It is always a week of fun, relaxation and . . . gluttony. Yes, we sure know how to eat (and drink) while we are on vacation. So I got on the scale Saturday morning and had gained a few pounds. But this is not the crises it used to be, nor am I feeling guilty for enjoying my family vacation. It is what it is and I am eating very healthfully this week and it will come off. But it is only through having experienced this vacation seventeen times that I have gained the wisdom to know this. No need to freak out and no need for dieting. (One of these days I'll write a post about why this mamma has given up "dieting" like, for eternity.) In the mean time, I will only wear a large moomoo until those extra pounds are off. Just kidding. Sort of ;)

Another aspect of getting older that I am appreciating is my heightened sense of appreciation! For example, I used to think only old farts really got into enjoying a scenic drive. I mean, come on, it's just like mountains and rocks and trees and sky and water and stuff. What's the big deal? Well, apparently I am officially an old fart, because I was riveted (yes, riveted) by the drive from Leavenworth to Chelan. So much that I wrote the following poem in the car.

So, I hope you can appreciate it and cheers to getting older!

Highway 2

I see this land again for the first time;
Shadows of clouds, cuts of rock, naked my eye.
A beauty so breathtakingly bright,
My eyes squint, shocked by the light.

Glimpses of God;
In the clouds' glow, their billow.
Hints of heaven;
In the elegance of trees, the weep of the willows.

Oh River, reveal your majesty--
I long to follow thee
Between the hills, into the lush, emerald valley
Where the sky reaches down its fingers, touching me.

Summer Romance

Well, our summer is off to a scrumptious start. Particularly yesterday was a wonderfully memorable day . . .

A 5:00 am wake-up call isn't usually my idea of a great way to begin a Saturday morning, but this was an exception. After a surprisingly good night of sleep despite a stomach full of nerves and sleeping away from home (on the most oddly comfortable sleeper sofa ever made), I woke to the sound of my best friend Jenny making a pot of coffee. Quickly up and at 'em, we ate a light breakfast with another great friend, Kelly, who is also my training partner; nibbling on bananas, discussing pre-race jitters, cradling mugs of coffee in nervous hands.

The Seattle Rock 'n Roll Half Marathon began for us at about 7:40 am after spending an hour in race-day traffic driving what would normally be about a ten minute trip and waiting in line with many of the other 25,000 participants to have our turn to make a deposit in a honeybucket before the run.

I felt pretty confident during the race, especially as I was much more relaxed having completed the same run a year ago. My excitement and adrenalin caused me to take off probably a little too fast during the first few miles, trying to navigate my way through the herds of runners. I finished with a time of about 2 hours 4 minutes - not too shabby. But I was hoping to get a little closer to setting a PR from my time last year, which was about 1 hour 57 minutes.

A little frustrated, it was difficult not to be upset with being so far off. As Jenny said several times before the race, it all comes down to just one day. Months and months of training. So to not perform as well as I know I can is discouraging. However, I also have to keep in mind that two weeks of my training were skipped in May due to illness and a hurt back. Also, just this past week I was nervous about whether or not I'd even be able to run the race as I was sick again. So, as usual, I need to not be so hard on myself. I've got two half marathons under my belt! Plenty to be proud of. And as Jenny pointed out, it's just all the more reason to train for another race; can't wait to get that time down to 1:56:59! :)

The memory making didn't finish at the finish line. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. After arriving home, eating saltines and ginger to settle my stomach, stretching, icing and a nap, my darling step-daughter, Adrienne, arrived. She will be staying with us for about a month and we are so excited about the weeks we get to spend with her. She will be thirteen in September and may pass me up in height (and possibly maturity) while she is with us. On the calendar during her visit is a week long vacation with my family to Lake Chelan over the Fourth of July and maybe a showing of one of the 2010 summer movies, Eclipse. I've read all the books, but haven't seen any of the movies, so it should make a great opportunity for a no-boys-allowed night out.

After an afternoon of resting and visiting, I got to get all dolled up to attend a beautiful wedding with Jason for a friend from childhood, Lisa Winterroth, whom I've known since I was five. Not only was the wedding immaculate, but I was able to catch up with many old friends and dance the night away with the love of my life. I've really got to give Jason some props - he is turning into quite the dancer! Who knew?! It is such a pleasant surprise almost seven years into our marriage, as dancing is just about heaven on earth for me, especially when I'm grooving with my other half.

It was so inspiring to be hand in hand with my darling love, watching a father achingly hand over his daughter to her groom, witnessing another couple in love, stars in their eyes and smiles on their faces, recite solemn vows to one another in front of the world, making the same commitment to one another as my Jason and I made to each another on our magical day. Our life together began with a day of enchantment that continues as I swayed in the arms of my love seven years later, realizing for the thousandth time that I am even more in love with him.

Jason - you are the continuous miracle in my life. I love you.

After the gorgeous ceremony with this breathtaking view, just after the couple walked down the aisle, a large bald eagle flew overhead in the clear, blue sky. It was as if instead of releasing doves, an eagle was set free, flying low and in great view, a symbol of the purity and strength of the vows just made.

As you can see, the bride was a vision and her groom, charming. Cheers to the new married couple!

Aquaman and the Super Eye of Compassion

Oh, we parents. We're kind of ridiculous, aren't we? If you have spawn, you know what I am talking about. Ya know, with the competitiveness and the comparisons. At some point, I think we all can get a little crazy with the desire for our little Tommy to run faster than little Jimmy. Or score more baskets. Make more money. Read sooner. Walk sooner. Get better grades. Look prettier. Sing prettier. Eat more vegetables. When you think about it, we're kind of like toddlers, aren't we?

Well, I had slowly been feeding this little monster for the past couple of months until everything came to a halting end on Tuesday. Joshua and Noah have been taking swimming lessons, and as Noah was still two, I had to be in the pool with him for the "Tots" class. Within Noah's class were little tots ages two to probably as young as six months. Noah was probably the oldest and his teacher, Ms. Vala, would just rave about him. She would constantly use him as the example and said that he was definitely more advanced than the students even in the next class up.

Well, Tuesday was the beginning of a new session. Noah is now three years old and began the next class in which mommy is no longer in the pool with him. And thus disappeareth our little Aquaman. He has hardly been in the pool at all and firmly dislikes his teacher. In Noah's defense, his teacher is kind of creepy looking and is not the best with getting toddlers to warm up to him. Um, maybe a smile would help?!

What's funny is that I was so proud of Noah! Not just in a good, Christian way, but also in an immature, gloating kind of way: "Ha, ha, ha! Look at all of you stupid parents with your stupid babies who can't even back float! Stop wasting your time and get out of the way for my little (trumpet tooting: Bum-ba-da-da!) Aquaman!" Okay, it wasn't quite that bad.

As parents, I think that sometimes out of our own insecurities, we can judge other parents' decisions and approaches and even their children. Parenting is challenging, frustrating and confusing and in order to build our own confidence, we may occasionally observe other families with a critical eye. But this is exactly the opposite of what we need to do so that we can cope with the challenges, frustration and confusion of parenthood. Rather than burning bridges with judgment and criticism, we should be building them so that we may have the support that we need from our peer parents.

One area that this is challenging for me is when a group of parents begin discussing anything related to their children's school or education. I struggle because I feel that when I express my opinion at all, if the parent knows that we are homeschooling, they become defensive. I understand it. I really do. They feel that because we are homeschooling, we are saying that the public school system is not good enough for us. And of course, like all things, it is much more complicated that that.

But please, let me assure you of the following:

We are not sitting in judgment of every family in the world that doesn't homeschool. 

and

We do not believe that every family in the world should homeschool.

Yes, we believe in homeschooling. Of course we do! And we believe that any of the wonderful parents that we know could do it, if they wanted to. That's the clincher. You don't have to be trained in teaching. You already are the perfect teacher for your children - think of all the things you've already taught them. But you do have to want to do it. Without that desire, homeschooling is not the right option for your family. And you can't fake it. 

We have not been given any more patience or teaching ability than any other parent. But we have been given this desire to approach our children's education differently. We didn't go out and pursue or seek this desire. It just happened. Just like you may have the desire to read to your child at bed time, or be active in their school, or coach their soccer team, or wrestle with them in the living room, or teach them to ride their bike. God gave all parents the abilities, skills, inclinations and wisdom needed to raise their children. All of the parents we are blessed to know are the perfect parents for their children and make the best choices for their families.

My very best friend has recently been reluctant to share with me some of the struggles that she was having with her son. She was afraid that I would judge, that I would be listening to her hardship thinking, "Well, why don't you homeschool?" And her fear was real because we all judge. At times, we all do it. Whether it be about swimming lessons, discipline, breastfeeding or homeschooling, we all do it. And even though my best friend knows that I love her, that I think she's a fabulous mother and that I am always there for her, she was still scared to be kicked while she was down. I can understand that. Sometimes it's easier to put on a brave face than to admit the struggles we are currently facing as parents.

But in doing so, we are not creating the support we need to conquer this enormous task that God has given us. It takes a village to raise a child. And in this self-absorbed, fast-paced, lonely culture that we live in, it can be very difficult to find the village or community that we need.

I KNOW there will come a day when I am going to need a shoulder to cry on as we face the challenges of homeschooling. I will need the support of my family and friends. And I don't want to have to be afraid that they are thinking, "Well, why do you homeschool?"

As parents, we need to take off the gloves, to look not with an eye of criticism, but with an eye of compassion. To all of the amazing parents we know, thank you for being an inspiration to us, for helping us and supporting us on our journey. 

Yes!

Sorry that  I don't have much to report and that my blogginess has been somewhat neglected.

BUT - Great news! After about a nine month break, I am finally feeling inspired again and am continuing with my book! Pages are spilling out of me. Yes, yes, yes!!! I am so happy to be continuing with this story and that I am not abandoning my characters, dooming them to the fate of no ending.

So, my morning writing efforts have been applied to my book.

However, darling Noah does turn three next week. Three years old. Has it really been three years since I had a baby?

Wow. Amazing. Simply amazing.

All About Eve

So let's talk about Eve. Yeah, like the first woman, Eve. So, here's a woman, one woman, who is entirely responsible for the hardships of womanhood. Cramps. PMS. Mood swings. Contractions. Episiotomies. Labor pains. Tampons. They're all her fault. Can you imagine that? What a burden to carry!

And there have definitely been months when dear Aunt Flo is making her visit and my uterus feels as though it is being wrung inside out and I am cursing the hell out of Eve, "Damn you Eve! There is no frickin' way any apple could have tasted good enough to be worth all this pain!"

So yeah, in my lowest of feminine moments, I find comfort in abominating Eve. It feels kind of good to have someone to blame. Stupid Eve.

On the other hand . . .

I love being a woman. For many of the very obvious reasons. Doing my hair. Wearing makeup. Haagen Daas. Carrying my babies in my womb. Nurturing my family. But it wasn't until recently that I've seen one of the annoying cursing-out-Eve aspects in a different light.

I don't need to explain to any woman, or any married man for that matter, the emotional roller coaster that we females ride on. At times I can feel quite guilty because I know that my man and my children are sometimes undeservedly on the receiving end. When I find myself livid over spilled milk, crying because my clothes aren't fitting how I'd like, yelling at my children to stop yelling or becoming misty eyed over a commercial, chances are that there just may be a few hormones racing through my body. Just maybe.

I really believe that no one's happy if Mama ain't happy and I fully realize that my mood truly sets the tone in our home. That's a big responsibility and one that I'm not sure I want to have. And with that there is a huge challenge in dealing with these hormonal mood crashes and also not being a complete monster to be around. I love my Midol, but apparently you need a prescription if "bitchy" is one of your symptoms.

But with the tumultuous emotional storms come the highs. And it is my hunch that because of our hormones, women may have a larger capacity for truly experiencing the heights of joy.

There are times that I just look at my family and cry. I feel such an abundance of gratitude, an overwhelming awe that I have been so lavishly blessed. I feel so elated and delighted with my life right now. Excited. Mirthful. Ecstatic. Jubilant. Gratified. Peaceful. I've never been a man, but do they feel these emotions the way we do?

Although it's pessimistic, I realize that this bliss will go away. Life will inevitably bring on its lows again. But right now, here in this moment, I am so thankful for finding and experiencing real joy.

And I think it's a fair trade. At times, I am a hysterical psycho-bitch.

But at other times, I am able to feel the epitome of high spirits.

So, I guess I should also thank Eve. As the mother of all mothers, the woman of all women, the absolute matriarch, thank you for making our sisterhood exactly what it is.

Embarassing Secrets to a Happy Marriage

Okay, so I am a little mortified to admit this. I am trusting that anyone who knows me well enough to be reading my blog will not judge me. Right? There will be no judging???

So, here it goes . . .

Hulu has helped the state of my marriage. For those of you who don't know, as I didn't until recently, Hulu.com is this magical web site on which you can watch all of your favorite, latest television shows on your computer for free, whenever you want.

So again, yes, Hulu has helped the state of my marriage. Not that there was anything wrong to begin with. But to help you understand, picture this . . .

Our two sometimes monstrous children are finally in bed. Their parents, weary with the day's load, flop down onto the couch, our limbs like spaghetti noodles, limp and dangling at our sides, our necks too tired to hold up our heads. Perhaps we drool. One of us faintly moans as we extend our reach to the coffee table a whopping two feet away to grasp the television remote. For the rest of the evening, we stare at the screen with an occasional grunt, a scratch, a fidget and many peanut gallery comments from my one and only.

Or . . . Suzy Homemaker (that's me) goes about her tasks during the day with pep and gusto. Laundry, dishes, cooking and cleaning are no longer chores, but exciting endeavors, for they can be accomplished while watching Parenthood, The Biggest Loser, The Marriage Ref, Everybody Loves Raymond or American Idol. At five o'clock, she greets her husband with a smile and a kiss. Post children's bedtime, she and hubby no longer play zombie, but have many more evenings devoted to conversation and other things.

Jason and I will be married for seven years this September. And last night, during one of these conversations, I learned more about Jason's job than I think I have during our entire relationship. He has had the same job since I met him, but it was just last night that I received a personal tutorial on the ins and outs of IT. Even more amazing than that is that I really found it interesting. I'm not quite there yet, but I am anxious to understand what vmware does and what a virtual server actually is.

So, I realize that this is a no-brainer, but I am reminded that frequent, real conversations with your spouse are pretty vital to the vitality of your marriage. And for Jason and I, if we are busy watching TV most evenings, there just isn't enough time left for that. Or other things.

So, thank you Hulu. Thank you for making it possible that this housewife will never again be subject to daytime television. Thank you for making primetime television viewable whenever I have socks to fold. And thank you to my husband for being my best friend who I just love to chat with and hang out with.

What's So Great About Goals?

If I had to single out the biggest challenge in my life, I would say that it is undoubtedly time management. I have become a tight rope walker, balancing and staying centered, precariously carrying all of the aspects of my life. Occasionally my load becomes too cumbersome and if I don't drop something, I will lose my balance and fall.

For a long time, I have really pushed myself with questions like, What's next? What am I going to do now? What are my goals? Like a little honey bee, I search for my next flower; an area that needs growth, something I want to learn about, what I'm going to do next. In many ways, this is a part of myself that I really like. I am rarely bored and I feel this attitude helps me to grow and continue to be dynamic.

However, there is also a huge disadvantage to this train of thought: It can at times discourage contentedness.

When I am constantly striving for more, more, more and

str e e e e tching 

myself further with high ambitions, I fail to live in the present, to be satisfied with myself in this moment. In Terry Hershey's words, it is the "tyranny of pursuit." I am like a frantic shopper, always looking for the latest trend to buy only to become bored with my most recent purchase and replace it with another. Goals can be like that. What about simply being comfortable in your own skin? How many accomplishments do I need to accomplish before I am satisfied?

Another problem with goals is that you can lose yourself in your accomplishments and define yourself by them. There is a real danger in this. What will it mean if I don't accomplish a certain goal? Who am I then? Furthermore, I need to reflect on the reason for my aspirations. What need is this fulfilling? Or am I simply driven to this in order to stroke my own ego???

Of course goals in general are not inherently evil. But I do believe they can be taken too far, a means of boosting my own pride. The seesaw of self-confidence is a delicate balance. But for some of us, maybe we don't need to work on feeling better about ourselves. We live in a culture of me-ism, constantly told to "put ourselves first." And while I realize it is very important to take good care of yourself, a life of only "putting yourself first" should just be called what it is: a selfish life. How many magazine articles or episodes of Oprah are there about how to become more humble? How to work on humility? Self-sacrifice?

Lastly, sometimes goals can be self-defeating in that the means of obtaining them takes away from another priority in my life. Goals take time and time is a precious, hot commodity in my life; it seems that the supply can never meet the demand. This year I planned to run a full marathon in June; a bigger, better achievement than last year's puny half marathon. So I prepared my training schedule and have made it about halfway through. Several evenings a week, my darling Jason would walk in the door after a long day's work, and we would kiss goodbye as I walked out the door for my run. Family dinner time often had to be rearranged or sometimes just didn't happen because of this schedule. Jason and I didn't have as much time to talk.

Do you see the irony? In trying to accomplish yet another goal, I was taking too much away from other more important areas in my life.

I could run the full marathon. I know I'm capable. But I don't want to! I actually don't have to accomplish every feat that I could. I am under no obligation! This is such a freeing realization for me. A weight is lifted and I find myself with more time and energy free to talk to my husband, play with my children or take a nap.

No full marathon for me. I'm keeping it simple and sticking with the puny half :)