Mother's Day Out?

I recently spoke about a book that I am rereading, A Mother's Rule of Life.  I read it a few years ago, related to a lot of it and found many really helpful ideas.

One idea that I did not really relate to was the idea of a Mother's Day Out. Holly Pierlot, the author, explains how every other week she has a Saturday to herself. She is able to leave the house and the children to her husband and come home only when she is ready, feeling rejuvenated for her role in motherhood for the next two weeks. While this all sounded fantastic three years ago, it seemed luxurious and not like something that was necessary in my life at the time. Honestly, I may have even judged her for this "indulgence."

Times have changed. When reading this book now, I think this concept is one of the ideas that has spoken to me the most. It no longer seemed like a luxury, but a necessity.

What's the difference between then and now? Well, we have three children now. Homeschooling requires more time and energy then it did then. And while we are still active in Engaged Encounter, I have also taken on a more active role in our parish.

For several months now, I have felt a strong need for a break. A real break. Not just reading for seven minutes while I eat a sandwich before I do the dishes from lunch. Jason recognized this need in me, perhaps because I mentioned it several times in tears. Jason understands and is a compassionate rock of strength and love for me. It was he that first suggested that I get a "day off" before I even began rereading Holly's explanation of it.

Even though I feel that this is a sincere, very real need of mine, it still makes me feel guilty. I know so many other moms that don't get days off and they seem to be handling motherhood just fine. Many of them have more children than I do and are also homeschooling. I also feel guilty that I need to devote one of our weekend days entirely to myself. It seems selfish. Jason works hard all week too. What about Father's Day Out?

Of course, if Jason expressed that he also wanted days scheduled like this for him, then we would make that happen. But Jason doesn't need to get away from the house and the children like I do. He's happy to be home.

Jenny says that I'm not allowed to feel guilty about this and that she is my advocate. What a nice thought!

For now, I think we will try to make a Mother's Day Out scheduled once a month. That seems sufficient. But maybe if I was homeschooling five children like Holly, I would need this every two weeks like she does.

So today is my first official day off. What will I do with myself? Well, I am starting with my first zumba class with a new friend. I am also hopeful to get some reading and writing done. Maybe a little shopping. I will be going to Confession and perhaps to evening Mass. And I will end the day by getting a drink with Jenny.

Sounds like absolute bliss. Thanks, honey - I needed it :)

Unreasonable Expectations

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Recently Jason told me that I had unreasonable expectations. What's even more annoying is that he was right. I hate it when that happens!


When I get sick, I want my mother. And poor Jason just isn't one, which obviously isn't his fault. Nothing he can do about that! When mothers in a family get sick, I feel like it especially stinks. I mean, who is supposed to take care of us? I really should not complain because it's not like I've ever been seriously ill.


When I was sick over President's Day, Jason was home and that truly was a blessing. He fed the children, changed the diapers and washed the dishes. But I wanted more. I wanted him to be able to get everything done around the house that I would get done in a day. I wanted him to be able to get the homeschooling done that I had planned for the day. And I wanted him to be cheerful and energetic for the entire day, despite the fact that he had slept very poorly the night before due to me tossing and turning with a fever.

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Basically, when I'm sick I want everything to go on as normal. And the kids better not be loud or bother me. And the laundry needs to be washed, dried, folded and put away. And could the trim on the house get painted too? :)

Maybe I should reevaluate my expectations. I hate it when he's right.

Learning From My Husband

We went to Winco yesterday morning. All of us. I hadn't grocery shopped in almost two weeks and the fridge was getting really bare, so it was a very big shop!

Most of the time I do the shopping during the week, but as this past week was especially busy, it didn't happen. When I have to do the shopping on the weekend, I almost always go alone. I mean, why would I bring children grocery shopping if it wasn't completely necessary, right?

Well, Jason thinks otherwise. He would actually prefer for us to all go shopping together. Like as a family. For a long time this baffled me. Doing large grocery shops towing three kids around is not what I would call fun. So most of the time, I don't listen and just do it my way.

However, his way does have its advantages. Jason can entertain Veronica. He can help me get all of our bulk items. He reminds me of things I may have forgotten. He helps bag the groceries. And at home, he brings everything in and helps me unload it all.

What's very touching to me is that Jason loves our family so much that he'll spend time with us however he can get it, even if it's parading through the aisles at Winco. Of course, he is at work all week and does not regularly do the shopping. So I guess there's some novelty for him in this outing. But mostly, I just think he wants to be with me and the kids.

Scripture gives wives very clear direction about how we should treat and listen to our husbands:



 

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. ...and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Ephesians 5:20-24; 33b

 

Well, that's definitely counter-cultural. For a long time, it didn't make a lot of sense to me. But I recently read a daily devotional entry that spoke about this scripture and I've been reflecting on it since. Do I "reverence" my husband? I couldn't see how. This notion didn't even seem relevant in our marriage. We are a team and work together cooperatively. In what way can I submit myself to my husband?

Well, obviously this begs the question of sex - should I submit myself sexually? While I'm not going to share a lot of details about that, I will say that I've been reflecting on what that actually means. And I've come to the conclusion that a wife doesn't necessarily lose any self-respect or dignity with this type of mentality. Not if her husband respects her anyways. I mean, in general, what could be so bad in a marriage about having sex more often?

But this scripture is not only referring to sex. In fact, I believe that sex is only a small part of what it is referring to. What about when I think I know what is best for our family? Or even for myself? What about when Jason tells me that I need to rest more and I disagree and state that I just can't because I simply do not have time? Should I not heed to my husband's advice?

I very much believe that the Lord meant for Jason and I to be together and that He blessed me with Jason for a reason. And one of the main reasons is that Jason challenges me and helps me to grow further into my potential as a human. 

So maybe I should listen to my husband more often. Furthermore, maybe I should seek out his advice more often. What a concept, huh?

So I was keeping this in mind this past week as I planned for us all to go grocery shopping together. It might seem like a pretty small thing, but it's something that Jason likes. And it turns out that he was right - we actually had fun together as a family in the grocery store. What a nice surprise!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Wishing you all a happy Valentine's Day!

We will be celebrating the day by taking lunch to Jason at work, something we get to do every once in a while and that we all really enjoy. It's nice to see Jason in the middle of the day. His building on the Fred Hutch campus has a wonderful break room that overlooks Lake Union, so we can watch the busyness of downtown Seattle and the seaplanes landing and taking off.

Later, Jason and I will have an at-home date night with a grown-up dinner for two after the children are in bed :)

I like Valentine's Day. We never make a really big deal out of it or anything, but it's nice to have a reason to acknowledge, appreciate and spoil the one you love a little bit. Something that really irritates me is when married couples have a cynical, bad attitude about the holiday.


Married couples should feel sincerely grateful for how lucky we are, not groan and complain because they feel obligated to make a loving gesture to their spouse.


The pursuit of love is a common theme of mankind throughout all of history. If you are married, do not diminish the blessing that you have in your spouse! You have what so many others are looking for - a companion for life. All of life's trials and heartache can be made easier to bear through the love you have for your spouse and their love for you. And all of life's blessings and joys can be made richer and deeper through that same love. This is worth celebrating!



You need not buy a $100 bouquet of roses, get reservations at an expensive restaurant or buy your spouse diamond jewelry (although I'm sure that wouldn't hurt). I've heard all of the reasons why Valentine's Day is stupid. I realize that the holiday originates with St. Valentine's martyrdom. I realize that much of it is a marketing scheme.

But so what?  Even so, I am not above writing my darling Jason a love poem, doting on him, holding hands with him on the couch and letting him know how much I love him.

My dear, dear Jason - I adore you. You are my everything.