The Joys of Being a Stepmother, Pseudo-Aunt and Godmother

We made it. Here we are on the other side - Monday morning.

Jason and I welcomed three additional kiddos into our home on Friday afternoon and had them stay the weekend with us. Matthew, Kayliana and Zachary Martin all joined the Burdullis family for a couple of days while their parents presented an Engaged Encounter weekend. Our three darlins will join the Martin household for the weekend at the end of April.

Good Morning! Breakfast time Saturday morning.

Adrienne was also with us and has been for the past week. If you count her as a "child", that makes seven children for the weekend, although she provides a lot more help than additional work. Jason drove her home to Portland on Sunday afternoon. We had another fabulous visit with her during her spring break and will be counting the days till she comes again this summer. Seriously, the week after she visits, we all have to go through withdrawal. She adds so much to our family and we will miss her so much. The next time we see her, she will have graduated from 8th grade and be ready to begin high school this fall! Unbelievable!

The weekend went great! Everyone slept well and there were no major injuries - success!

With the Martin children, Jason and I got to relish in our role as pseudo-aunt and uncle (Matthew and Zach call us Auntie Rebecca and Uncle Jason, which pulls my heartstrings every time) as well as our role as godparents to Kayli.

This all brings me so much joy. To see all of these children in our life play together and interact with one another with so many different personalities and dynamics is amazing to witness.

At one point during the weekend, I was on the phone with Jenny giving her an update about how the weekend was going. I was telling her about Veronica and Kayli interacting and called them "the girls."

Jenny exclaimed, "The girls! I love that you just said, 'The girls!' I still can't believe that we both have little girls!"

It's true. "The boys" has always been a common phrase among our two families. But it is such a blessing to now have added "the girls" to our vernacular!

And I must say, they are pretty darn cute together.

See . . .

It was very fun to have two little girls around who are so curious and excited about the world around them, who love to chat and to snuggle. I have had more hugs this weekend than maybe ever. And when one of them was feeling sad, it seems a mommy is the best comfort, even if I am a lame replacement for Kayli's actual wonderful mother. On Saturday evening, I was holding them both quite a bit, eventually causing Veronica to be a bit jealous. She expressed this by rolling around the floor and collapsing in irritation, which was funny and adorable.

What a blessing to be so loved! And what a blessing to not only be able to have my own children, but to have an inspiring stepdaughter and to have these three darling children join our family every now and then. We all had so much fun together. I couldn't help but smile at all of the bedtime whispering and giggling happening last night :)

Who's that?

All the girls in PJ's

Saving my Strength

This will be very short as I am saving all of my energy for this weekend.

Including Adrienne, we will have seven children at our house from about 4:00 this afternoon until about 4:00 on Sunday afternoon.

Our dear friends, Mike and Jenny, are presenting an Engaged Encounter weekend and we are taking care of their children. They will be doing the same for us at the end of April. We have done this before many times, but these are the first weekends that will include the youngest child in each family. 

Seven children. Two one year olds. A four year old. A five year old. A seven year old. An eight year old. And a fourteen year old. Thank goodness for the fourteen old!

Pray for us :)

And if we are still alive on Monday, I'll tell you about it. Or maybe Tuesday, depending on how exhausted I am.

Hope you have a great weekend!

Mother's Day Out?

I recently spoke about a book that I am rereading, A Mother's Rule of Life.  I read it a few years ago, related to a lot of it and found many really helpful ideas.

One idea that I did not really relate to was the idea of a Mother's Day Out. Holly Pierlot, the author, explains how every other week she has a Saturday to herself. She is able to leave the house and the children to her husband and come home only when she is ready, feeling rejuvenated for her role in motherhood for the next two weeks. While this all sounded fantastic three years ago, it seemed luxurious and not like something that was necessary in my life at the time. Honestly, I may have even judged her for this "indulgence."

Times have changed. When reading this book now, I think this concept is one of the ideas that has spoken to me the most. It no longer seemed like a luxury, but a necessity.

What's the difference between then and now? Well, we have three children now. Homeschooling requires more time and energy then it did then. And while we are still active in Engaged Encounter, I have also taken on a more active role in our parish.

For several months now, I have felt a strong need for a break. A real break. Not just reading for seven minutes while I eat a sandwich before I do the dishes from lunch. Jason recognized this need in me, perhaps because I mentioned it several times in tears. Jason understands and is a compassionate rock of strength and love for me. It was he that first suggested that I get a "day off" before I even began rereading Holly's explanation of it.

Even though I feel that this is a sincere, very real need of mine, it still makes me feel guilty. I know so many other moms that don't get days off and they seem to be handling motherhood just fine. Many of them have more children than I do and are also homeschooling. I also feel guilty that I need to devote one of our weekend days entirely to myself. It seems selfish. Jason works hard all week too. What about Father's Day Out?

Of course, if Jason expressed that he also wanted days scheduled like this for him, then we would make that happen. But Jason doesn't need to get away from the house and the children like I do. He's happy to be home.

Jenny says that I'm not allowed to feel guilty about this and that she is my advocate. What a nice thought!

For now, I think we will try to make a Mother's Day Out scheduled once a month. That seems sufficient. But maybe if I was homeschooling five children like Holly, I would need this every two weeks like she does.

So today is my first official day off. What will I do with myself? Well, I am starting with my first zumba class with a new friend. I am also hopeful to get some reading and writing done. Maybe a little shopping. I will be going to Confession and perhaps to evening Mass. And I will end the day by getting a drink with Jenny.

Sounds like absolute bliss. Thanks, honey - I needed it :)

Sanctuary

(Below are parts of the definitions as given on Dictionary.com)

sanc-tu-ar-y

     7. Any place of refuge; asylum.

ref-uge

     1. Shelter or protection from danger, trouble, etc.: to take refuge from a storm.
     2. A place of shelter, protection, or safety.
     3. Anything to which one has recourse for aid, relief, or escape.

For a long time, my best friend Jenny and I have used the word "sanctuary" as a reminder for one another. It is such a strong, foundational part of our friendship that when Veronica was born, Jenny had this sign made for me as a gift.

This sign hangs on my kitchen wall, where I can see it everyday.

We need sanctuary whenever our lives are overwhelming, when we are stressed, when we are bone tired, when our children are driving us crazy, when there is change and thus chaos in our lives, when we are hormonal, when we feel down or depressed, when someone has hurt our feelings or made us angry or when we are trying to make a difficult decision. So, basically this means that we need sanctuary all the time. It has to be a regular part of our lives.

So, what is sanctuary? Sanctuary can mean many different things. Most often for Jenny and I, a really long chat on the phone with one another is our form of refuge. If we are experiencing a particularly challenging day, we may both savor a glass of wine during that conversation. Even better is a day spent together while our children play and we can talk for hours on end in one of our homes. Lunch often includes a glass (or two) of wine on these days as well. In the summer time, we try to schedule these days weekly and if the weather cooperates, they often take place at a beach on Lake Washington with a picnic lunch.

The Biblical word for this is "Sabbath."

Thus says the Lord: Take care for the sake of your lives, and do not bear a burden on the Sabbath day or do any work, but keep the Sabbath day holy, as I commanded your fathers. Jeremiah 17: 21-22

Our American culture is terrible at this. Our society says that our value is found in how much work we get done and how much money we make. Who cares how well you know how to rest?

But God knows otherwise - even He took the seventh day to rest! Think about that. God didn't need to rest; He is all powerful. But rest is so worthwhile and so important that even God made time for it.

So should you!

I realize I'm stating the obvious, but we are not God. We actually do need rest. Furthermore, our efforts in our work will be much more productive if we take the time to rest.

But even as I write this, that idea bothers me. We shouldn't seek out time for rest simply so we can be better workers. I can just see that--Hurry up and rest so you can get back to work! Ha! That's completely missing the point. Rather, we should seek out rest simply for the sake of resting.

This resting, or sanctuary as Jenny and I call it, is an imperative part of a fulfilling, purposeful, daily life.

How can you create more sanctuary in your life? Do you know someone who is overwhelmed right now? What could you do to help them create some sanctuary?

Jenny and I having some "Sanctuary" last summer with our babes in tow.