Wordless Wednesday - The Girls

I love my girls.

The Speed of Summer - Making it Slow Down with Summer Cravings

Is it really the second half of July??? Teresa is now ten months old! I feel like it was just a few days ago that I wrote she was nine months old.

Isn't summer whizzing by at record speed? I have a bittersweet relationship with the second half of summer. While I enjoy it so much, I am simultaneously sad that it is passing so quickly. It is an annual joke between Jason and I that once our Forth of July trip to Lake Chelan is over, we can begin planning for Christmas. It really does feel like that each year.

At this point in the summer, it becomes more difficult to relax for reasons twofold. As I'm sure you've noticed, in every store you walk into, school supplies are on display for the "Back to School" sales. I realize this is simply marketing, but it bugs me so much.

These displays remind me of the cornucopia of organizational projects and lesson planning I would like to complete before the new school year begins. I have made a good dent, but the reality is that I will never complete everything before September. I had been making good progress, but that has been put on hold as I prepare our family for a 10 day camping trip that we will be taking soon. This is our longest camping trip yet and it takes quite a bit of organization. The necessary preparations for September are complete, but there is always more that I want to do.

Summer Rolling By

Secondly, the site of the in-my-face, mocking school supplies just stresses me out and makes me panic--Hurry up! Have fun! Enjoy the summer NOW, because it's almost over. It's slipping away. This summer and your children's childhoods are slipping away! Make some happy childhood memories for them NOW! Everyone have fun NOW, damn it!

For some reason, that thought process doesn't really foster relaxation and fun.

The boys and I have been spending many evenings in our back yard after dinner, reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. What a delight! Last week we took them spontaneously to get a fro-yo and then we all played tag at the park.

I crave more times like these. I want to roll in the grass with my kids, find constellations, feel the lake's water up to our ankles, our knees, our waists, our chests, our necks and whoops! - slip underwater and swim and splash and scream with delight. I want to fly a kite and watch the boisterous clouds change shape before our eyes and blow fluffy dandelion seeds all over and not care about the future dandelions sure to crop up later. I want to snuggle around the campfire, sing songs, tell stories and get our hands sticky with chocolate and warm marshmallows. I want to go play on the swings with them and pump and pump and pump our legs until we reach the sky and the swings jump a little as we make our way down, causing my stomach to turn.

I want to hold them and squeeze them and take them in and love them and smother them with kisses and hugs!

Thankfully, our camping trip will give us a lot of opportunity to live out this sentiment. It is a lot of work to prepare for and a lot of work to set up. But once we're there, life slows down. We share the meal preparation and dishes with the friends and family who will be with us. So most of our time is filled with going on small hikes, fishing, enjoying the beach, swimming, boating, reading, playing games and sitting around the campfire.

It's the perfect pleasure to satisfy my cravings.

Making the Best of It

It goes without saying that sometimes life does not follow your plans. We've all heard the joke . . .

Do you know how to make God laugh?
Tell Him your plans.

A Family Sick on Vacation

We always spend a week around the 4th of July at Lake Chelan with my family. We have done so for over 20 years now. This year, I was so excited and nostalgic about our trip that I ended up writing a poem on the drive there that I shared in this post.

The week leading up to our trip, I was pretty sick with a nasty cold. I had a nasty cough and went to the doctor to make sure that my crusty eyes were just a symptom of my cold and not bacterial pink eye (the really contagious kind). The doctor confirmed that my irritated eyes were just part of the cold virus and prescribed me an inhaler for my cough, as I can get asthmatic with a bad cough.

Well, a couple of days into our trip, Noah came down with the cold, a terrible cough and a fever. One by one, the little darlins dropped like flies, hacking away and miserable with fevers. Teresa caught it, but luckily never had a fever. Today, three weeks after getting sick, I still have a cough in the morning and at night and so do the kids.

While we were on vacation, we all slept in the same room, sounding like we belonged in a hospital room with all of our coughing. No one slept well the entire trip. A couple of nights, Noah and Veronica were moaning and talking in their sleep, as their fevers spiked to a little over 103 degrees. Veronica came and slept in our bed (something she hasn't done since she was about two weeks old!), cuddling with us, hugging us, and telling us that she loved us and that we are beautiful.

Even my five month old nephew, Connor, caught the bug and got sick. Thankfully, he didn't seem to have it as bad and his fever didn't last nearly as long. Noah had a fever each night for almost a week! We took him to the doctor the day we got home and found out he had viral bronchitis. However, the fever passed the next day, thank goodness.

The kids spent most of the week in our room, in bed, watching movies on Netflix. They wanted to go play and participate in the vacation fun and were so frustrated that they couldn't. We did all that we could to keep them happy. But it was disappointing for all of us.

Making the Best of It

I thought about going home. I asked a couple of people and they said we should stay, so we did. I'm sure that Jason and I had more fun than the kids, as we were able to participate with the group most of the time. But of course, there was a lot we had hoped to do that we couldn't.

It's frustrating when life throws you a curve ball. Of course, I realize this was a very small curve ball. But even still, it stunk.

I did my best to remain cheerful and enjoy the vacation. What else could I do? I finished reading a book and began a new one. I swam in the lake. I drank wine and margaritas. I went tubing behind my dad's boat with my sister-in-law. I water skied. I called Jenny and vented about my disappointment. Many of us had a water fight. I took a lot of medicine and so did the kids. I did all I could for my kids and gave them many popsicles in bed.

A new Chelan memory - popsicles in bed!

And on the last day of our trip, it seemed like everyone was mostly better (although Noah did get another fever that evening), so we tried to make the most of the day by going to the pool before breakfast, going to the beach and then out on the boat in the afternoon.

Hopefully, we won't be sick on another vacation in a really long time.

And when things don't go our way, hopefully we can keep our chins up and make the best of it. 

Trim Healthy Mama!

This post contains affiliate links. More information is available at the end of the post.

Teresa turned nine months old last Friday. I can't believe it! Even Joshua said, "Wow! Only three more months until her birthday." Craziness!

Over the past few months, I have been thinking a lot about my weight and what I was going to do about it. I had hit a plateau in losing the baby weight. Unsure of how I wanted to handle that, I began writing a series of blog posts titled, "The Weight of Motherhood."

I wanted to find a resource with ideas that would help me to live and eat in a more healthful way. I did not want to count anything - calories, carbs, fat grams, etc. I wanted to find a more sustainable, long-term approach to health and weight loss.

I also wanted to connect my health to my faith. My faith has become such an integral part of how I live my life. It effects everything. I want to relate it to what I eat each day and how I take care of myself.  I know that God is calling me to include Him in my health, in how I take care of myself and in ALL aspects of my life - even including things that may seem too small or petty, such as losing baby weight.

While doing a lot of research on Amazon, I came across the book Trim Healthy Mama. 

It's number of good reviews (545 reviews with 4.5 stars) made me immediately interested in finding out more about it. Upon some more research, I discovered that it was written by two Christian sisters, Pearl P. Barrett and Serene C. Allison.

Their web site describes the book:

Authors Serene Allison and Pearl Barrett provide a comprehensive, Biblically-sound, effective and delicious way to eat for health and weight loss. Written with humor and thorough research, this book will entertain, enlighten and encourage women (and men!) to feed their bodies and souls the way God created us to thrive. Separating scientific realities from the fads, this book addresses the diverse needs of adults and growing children. You’ll never look at food and health the same way again.

Biblically-sound health and weight loss? What does that even mean? It immediately peaked my curiosity.

I began searching for more information from around the web. After a while, I found that two bloggers who I really enjoy have written posts about Trim Healthy Mama, have had success with it and recommend it. Erika Shupe at Large Families on Purpose  wrote a post about Trim Healthy Mama last year. Amy Roberts at Raising Arrows  also has several posts that mention Trim Healthy Mama.

So I bought it!

The Basic Idea Is . . .

The book is pretty large at 642 pages. However, it does include about 250 recipes. So far, I have read about the first 100 pages. So I've got a long way to go.

However, I have read the chapter that explains their basic premise. In ten words, it is: Be more carb conscious and don't eat carbs with fat.

Now, that is REALLY simplifying it. Pearl and Serene are very educated in the science of nutrition. While they aren't nutritionists, they quote many nutritionists, doctors and refer to many different studies. In my opinion, they seem to know their stuff.

Being more carb conscious means choosing great carbohydrates. They do not have you completely take out any food group, which I really appreciate.

For the most part, you don't eat carbs with fat. This does not mean you are on a low fat diet. Rather, you either have a meal with carbs or you have a meal with fat. You only feed your body one fuel source at a time, allowing it to burn more fat. Again, I am really simplifying. I just explained in six sentences what they explained in a few chapters.

They definitely do not advocate a low-fat diet. Quite the contrary! They explain the necessity of fat and encourage you to enjoy full-fat dairy, coconut oil, olive oil, red meat, etc. You just don't enjoy those things with carbohydrates.

There is a whole chapter about how this way of eating is Bibically-sound, which I found very interesting and enjoyed. It helps me to connect my eating habits and my faith.

So, I'm trying it out. Pearl and Serene really advocate long-term health. They say that this is not a race to lose weight. They encourage you to really give it a try for three months before gauging whether or not it's working. Since I began writing about weight loss and motherhood a month ago, I have lost four pounds. I received Trim Healthy Mama two weeks ago. During the first week I began implementing it, I lost two pounds. I have kept them off but so far have not lost anymore.

I really need to be patient. While I say that I want to focus on long-term health, I would also just like a quick fix. Weight loss feels more gratifying when it happens quickly! But I've been down that road before and as it hasn't really worked the way I would like, I am going to give this a try.

I will keep you posted!

In the interest of full disclosure, some of the links in this post are 'affiliate links.' This means that if you click on the link and purchase the item, I receive an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products that I believe in and personally use. Your purchases through these links help support Mamma Vintage. Thank you for your support!

Beauty and Motherhood

Continuing the Journey

When I ended my series on weight and motherhood, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I felt as though I had to make a plan to move forward, as I had put it all out there for everyone to read. When I saw people I knew, I wondered if they had read my series. Were they staring at me? Were they assessing how much junk I had in my trunk?

Okay, it wasn't really that bad. But it surely made me feel more self conscious. And I didn't just want to leave it at that. I wanted my journey with weight and motherhood to have a happy ending, and sooner rather than later.

Finding Answers: Researching Nutrition, Health and Motherhood

I began searching for a book. THE book. This is what I do. With any ongoing problem I have in my life, I eventually get to a place where I am at the end of my rope, frustrated and fed up. At this point, I get on Amazon.com. I hunt, browsing dozens of nonfiction books in the selected category: Parenting, homeschooling, health, gardening, parenting, homeschooling.

I realized while I wrote my series that for the past several years, I have read more nonfiction, self-help books about parenting and homeschooling than anything else. In fact, they are the ONLY nonfiction categories I've read about.

When I was about 19, I gained a lot of weight. As I got that under control, I really educated myself about nutrition. Well, that was 12-13 years ago! While writing the series, I realized I hadn't read a book in the category of health in a very, very long time.

I had looked at books about health. I even bought a couple. However, the ones I found in the past several years just weren't what I was looking for. I'm just not that interested in getting ready for bikini season. I won't ever be wearing a bikini again! No matter what weight I'm at, the stretch marks on my tummy from four pregnancies are not cute. And I live in Seattle, not Miami. I wear a bathing suit only a few times a year!

Yes, motherhood is beautiful. And I mean that. But
also notice that I am wearing a sweatshirt at the beach.
It's Seattle! That's what we do! You can understand why
having a "bikini body" isn't all that motivating :)

Being a "Hot" Mom vs. Looking "Like a Mom"

Also, I am SO tired of fitness and diet books for moms with taglines like, "Look Sexy the Way You Did Before You Had Babies Which Completely Ruined Your Body!" Yeah, I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere. You know the kind of books I'm talking about. They always have some hot mom with stilettos walking with a stroller. Does anyone actually do that?

And it just makes me want to yell, WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH LOOKING LIKE A MOM?!

I AM A MOM!

They make it sound like it's some disgusting, mutant, alien species.

Why do we have it so ingrained in us that we only have two choices? To struggle our whole lives so that we look like we did at 22, before we had any children. Or to let it all go and look totally frumpy wearing sweats all the time, with frizzy hair, wrinkles and an ever-growing backside.

The Beauty of Motherhood

WHO SAYS MOMS CAN'T BE BEAUTIFUL?

And not just the, "Wow! You look great for having four kids."

What does this mean? Am I supposed to look awful?

And who says we can't be mostly concerned about our health and well-being, but also care about the way we look?

I really wanted to find a book that mostly spoke about health, but also acknowledged that we all want to look beautiful.

Furthermore, I wanted this book to somehow be connected to my faith. I wanted to have a connection between my faith and what I put in my mouth and how I take care of myself. I knew that if I could find this connection, I would have a lot more success with managing my weight.

I researched. And I prayed about it.

And then, I found two books!

Soon I will share with you the two books that are really helping me in my journey with health, beauty, weight loss and motherhood.

Encouraging "Good Eaters"

"Good eaters." It's kind of a funny phrase, isn't it? I mean, what makes a good eater? Do they chew better? Do they swallow with finesse? It's just funny to think of children as "good" at something that everyone does.

Our children have often been described as "good eaters." If you've read my recent series on weight gain and motherhood, you might be thinking that perhaps our family is a little too good at eating! Perhaps you're right. Still working on that.

So what do we mean when we say "good eaters?" I think it usually means two things. First, a child who is a good eater is not very picky. They may have a small list of foods they don't like, as most of us do. But for the most part, they will eat most foods. Second, a child who is a good eater will eat healthy food for the most part. They will eat their fruits and vegetables and do not demand to survive on fruit loops, mac & cheese and hot dogs.

Now, I am not going to suggest that there is a way to make your child be a good eater. When it comes down to it, you cannot force your child to eat. You will not win that battle. A child who does not want to eat something has complete control over that situation. They can clamp their mouth shut, spit the food out or simply keep it in their mouth and choose not to swallow. While I do believe that we have good eaters, we have had occasional off nights and I have seen all three of these power moves in play.

Those are off nights when something else is affecting the situation - tiredness, most likely. On a normal night, our kids will gobble up peas, green beans, broccoli, avocado, cauliflower, cabbage, cooked onions and garlic, asparagus, curry, salad and many other not kid-friendly foods.

So, is it just luck? Perhaps. But after four kiddos, I think there may be a few things you can do to encourage your child to be a "good eater."

First time trying peas

1. Start early.
If you can, I highly recommend making your own baby food. Have you tasted jarred baby food? I have, just to try it. It was gross! I'm not a big fan of canned peas, and jarred baby food peas are pretty much the same thing, except blended up into green goop. Now, take some frozen peas, lightly steam them, puree them with a little sea salt and -- voila! Yummy baby food!

I think she liked them!

Yes, I taste it. If it tastes good to me, it usually tastes good to the baby.

And yes, I season it. This is huge! Season your baby's food! If you want them to enjoy a lot of different flavors and not demand bland, boring kid food, then get them used to different flavors early.

If you breastfeed, try not to change your diet too much if you can help it. Meaning, if you can, don't take garlic, onions, curry and other strong flavors out of your diet simply because you're nursing. This is your baby's first exposure to flavor. I realize some of these foods may give some babies gas, and if that's the case then of course, take them out of your diet. But if you can, keep them in so that your baby begins to explore flavor.

Our babies love seasoned oat cereal! Try mixing it with small amounts of cinnamon, curry or garlic powder and oregano.

2. Accept that they will not like certain foods.

Your children will have certain foods that they don't like. That's okay. You probably do too. Attempting to force them to eat something will only cause a long, drawn-out battle and I'm sorry, but your child will win. Not only that, but it will be a terrible experience, only reinforcing that they do not like that particular food. Let it go.

3. Make them continue to try those foods.

Do not stop serving the foods your child doesn't like. If a recipe calls for something, add it. If a certain fruit or vegetable is in season, buy it. Serve it to your child. They will most likely respond with, "I don't like (specific, disgusting, unforgivable food)!" Tell them that's okay. Tell them they don't have to eat it all. Then tell them that when this food is served, they will need to try it each time. People's taste changes. If they keep trying it, they might learn to like it. So they need to just have one bite of that certain food. They can pick out the rest and put them to the side.

We have occasionally had a child who still refuses. At that point, the child is being disobedient. They are not allowed to be excused until they take the bite or bedtime, whichever comes first. Very rarely, they have sat there until bedtime.

Joshua used to hate potatoes. He didn't even like french fries! Now that a strong commitment to a dislike of potatoes. But using this method, he has learned to like them and will now eat a baked potato (with the yummy fixings) for dinner.

This method will not produce results in a week, a month or perhaps even a year. That's not the point. The point is to slowly, consistently expose children to these flavors so that they can gradually get used to them and learn to like them. Your goal is to encourage a lifetime of healthy eating. This does not happen overnight.

4. Make them try new foods.

Use the above technique with new foods. Make them try one bite.

5. Take baby steps.

Try roasted garlic before raw garlic. Try caramelized onions before raw. These will both have much milder flavors. Add a dash of curry to a vegetable you know they like. Let them add a dash of salt and pepper to their meals - kids think it's fun. When they see you eat hot sauce or wasabi, let them try a tiny amount if they want to. Noah loves Sriracha and salsa.

6. Eat a variety of foods.

Your children will not be adventurous eaters if you aren't. Try to eat new ethnic foods and new flavors together as a family.

6. Eat most of your meals at home.

For the most part, most restaurant food tastes pretty similar, especially if your children normally eat off a typical American children's menu. To get a variety of flavors, cook at home.

7. Do not offer dessert unless your children have eaten their dinner.

Pink Floyd said it all: "How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?"

Veronica loves to help bake.

8. Involve your children in the cooking process.

Children love to help cook. Let them! Sure it's messy. Sure it takes longer. But it's a great way to spend quality time together and to teach about fractions, other relevant math lessons and nutrition. Furthermore, they are more likely to eat a meal that they have helped prepare.

9. Snack sparingly.

My children have one snack a day in the afternoon. If something interrupts our regular schedule and it gets too close to dinner, they skip it. This ensures they have hungry tummies come dinner time.

10. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT make them a separate meal.

Your children will not starve themselves. Spare yourself a lot of extra work and hassle. Make one meal for your family. Make a side of vegetables or salad that you know they will eat. That's it. This ensures they have something healthy to eat in case they won't eat the dinner. Do not make anything else. You will only start a precedent that you will not want to continue.

Bon appetit!

My most recent helper

The Weight of Motherhood (Series, Part 5)

This post contains affiliate links. More information is available at the end of the post.

This is the last post in this series. So far, I have been discussing my relationship with my weight as a woman and especially as a mother. Part 1 is here, Part 2 is here, Part 3 here and Part 4 here.

In this last post, I want to discuss my weight in relation to my faith.

I recently read a wonderful book, Dear and Glorious Physician. It is the story of St. Luke. In it, St. Luke or Lucanas as he is called throughout most of the book, learns the ways of medicine and ministers to the poor as a physician. Again and again, a theme is present: the connection between body and soul.

"The disease is not only the whole man, but also his soul. A sick spirit creates a sick body, or a sick body creates a sick soul. Not only must the flesh and its disease be treated, but the mind also. It is very possible, though not proved, that all diseases, even those epidemic, originate in some secret chamber of the soul."

Of course, today we have a much different understanding of medicine. However, I do believe that there is some truth in this. How can our spirits be thriving if we do not take care of the temple of our bodies?

Another example. Recently we watched The Mission, a wonderful movie. In it, Father Gabriel ministers to and evangelizes a remote, indigenous tribe of people in South America. In one scene, Father Gabriel canoes upriver and climbs steep cliffs to reach the tribe. His body is in immaculate shape. His body is a temple. He is  able to minister to the tribe because of the condition his body is in.

What do I make of this? I'm not sure. I am still reflecting on it. But I do believe that there is a connection between how we take care of our bodies and how we serve the Lord.

In the last part of this series, I explained a couple of reasons why losing weight has not been that important to me. However, if I could find a connection between managing my weight and living out my faith, I would find a lot of motivation in that.

I am in search of a book that explains this connection. I began reading Celebration of Discipline by Robert Foster, but have not finished it. There is a section in there about fasting that interests me.

We are called to seek sainthood. In doing so, we must consider how we take care of our bodies.

All of this makes sense to me in a theoretical, logical way. However, when it comes down to living out my daily life, I have difficulty making the connection. I eat ice cream, watch TV and press the snooze button to try and catch up on a little sleep. How can I incorporate these lofty ideals into my daily, messy, busy, crazy life?!

I hope you have enjoyed this series, The Weight of Motherhood. I have shared with you my journey thus far. It is helpful for me to remember that everyone is different, everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and no one is good at everything. This is a weakness of mine. I have not been blessed with a high metabolism that burns off everything that I eat. I have not been blessed with the discipline to make good eating choices often enough to maintain a healthy weight. This is an area that I will continue to work on, probably even more so once we are getting regular sleep at night! I will let you know how it goes.

In the interest of full disclosure, some of the links in this post are 'affiliate links.' This means that if you click on the link and purchase the item, I receive an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products that I believe in and personally use. Your purchases through these links help support Mamma Vintage. Thank you for your support!

The Weight of Motherhood (Series, Part 4)

This post is part of a series. I have been discussing my relationship with my weight as a woman and especially as a mother. Part 1 is here, Part 2 is here and Part 3 here.

The topic of this particular post is, "Why My Weight is Not Important to Me."

Wait a minute. You are rightly thinking, Well, obviously it's important to her. She's written a five-part series about it!

Yes, my weight is an issue for me just as it is for many moms. But is it important? Not really. Let me explain.

First of all, to me, if something is important, I will give it my time, energy and money if needed. So far, losing the last 20 lbs has not been important enough for me to make it a priority and make it happen.

My weight is not high enough that I really have concerns about my health. To be in the range of a healthy BMI, I would need to be at 159 lbs. So at 174 lbs, obviously I'm not within that range yet and have lots of room for improvement. But at the same time, I'm healthy. I'm strong. I can keep up with my kids. I ran 6 miles a few weeks ago at about a 10 minute mile pace. I know that I need to lose some weight for my health, which is why I'm writing about all of this. But because I am healthy and strong, my health is not such a big concern that it has made losing weight important.

A recent photo with my girl after I got home from a run

Secondly, my vanity has not been a driving force either. Now I don't mean that I don't care about the way I look. I do. In fact, I'm sure that I often care too much. I would love to not be plagued with cellulite. I would love to feel beautiful in a swimming suit. I would love to be leaner and more toned. While I would love all of those things, there are a million other things that are more important to me. Sleep. Spending time together as a family. Reading. Writing. Making dinner. Keeping a somewhat tidy home. Bathing the children. Having time to talk with Jason. Getting the kids to bed at a reasonable time. Having clean clothes. Time with friends.

I guess perhaps I'm being selfish. Or maybe just unrealistic. I'm not really willing to give up a whole lot of that and I would still like to lose the weight. But you see, between the baby, three other children, homeschooling and managing our home, my day is PACKED. Getting back into my pre-pregnancy jeans just doesn't matter that much when there's mouths to feed, lessons to plan and everything else that occupies my day.

Lastly, I wonder if I am going to need to accept a different weight than 155 lbs. What would be so wrong with 160 lbs? I've had four kids! I get very frustrated that our culture is so against "looking like a mom." I sometimes hear, "You don't look like you've had four kids!" While I know this is meant to be a compliment, what does it mean? What's wrong with looking like the mother of four? That's what I am!

I am partly writing this series because even though I feel alone in it, I know there must be other moms who have this same struggle. As moms, we can often act like we have it all figured out. In a group, we often don't discuss how difficult things are.

So I'm just putting it out there - I do not have this figured out. Not by a long shot. That includes a lot of things about motherhood, but in particular, managing my weight. I wanted to get real and talk about actual numbers and the real obstacles that come between me and the weight I should be at. I also feel that now that it's out there in the open for all the world to read, I will sooner be motivated to make losing weight a priority.

I have one last topic to discuss in this series--"My Faith and My Weight." Coming soon!

Here are a few more recent photos of the darlings that keep me so busy each day . . .

That's right - our little angel is now pulling herself up on EVERYTHING. She has
also become quite the speedy crawler. She is certainly keeping me on my toes!

Noah has been studying dragons and dinosaurs and was pretty thrilled to see a real dragon (a komodo dragon, that is) at the zoo last week.

The Weight of Motherhood (Series, Part 3)

I have been discussing my relationship with my weight as a woman and especially as a mother. Part 1 is here and Part 2 is here.

So, why not just join Weight Watchers once again if it has worked in the past?

For many reasons. There's the time that it takes; going to evening meetings once a week and then the time to count points every day. I was never able to succeed without actually going to the meetings, but time is a hot commodity in our home.

There's the money; $40 per month. That's the equivalent of a new shirt! Or many other things.

But most of all, I feel like I shouldn't HAVE to do Weight Watchers. I shouldn't need that. I should be able to just make healthy choices about diet and exercise and have the weight come off naturally. Counting points is not sustainable; I am not going to do it for the rest of my life. Why can't I just learn how to lose the weight on my own?

Have you ever struggled with weight loss like this? What did you do?

I'm sure many of you are answering - Just exercise! Oooooooooh--Do I miss a regular exercise schedule!

Right now, consistent exercise just isn't possible. Well, it's possible of course. But at what cost?

Right now, Teresa is not sleeping through the night. I discuss how I try to deal with tiredness here. I have my alarm set for 5:50 am so that I can get some exercise in before the kids wake up. However, lately this alarm has been canceled nightly as we have been caring for a crying baby with a cough in the middle of the night. It's so frustrating! I can't exercise during the day because I am homeschooling the kids. I just can't do it regularly in the evenings because I am wiped out from the day.

Of course, this just is a long way of saying that I am not making exercise a priority right now. That's true. Sleep trumps exercise. Without sufficient sleep, I cannot even attempt to fulfill my calling as a kind, loving wife and mother.

Also, for me, watching what I am eating has always been a more effective means of weight loss than exercise anyway. The amount of time it takes to burn off 500 calories is of course much, much longer than it takes to eat those 500 calories.

So what now? I'm not sure. I am currently too tired to even count my fingers or do a single sit-up. But that will pass. Teresa's cough will go away and we will retrain her to sleep through the night for the third time.

And then what? Weight Watchers? Counting calories? How will I lose those last 20 lbs? (That is so sad to see in writing.)

Have you had success with losing weight without tracking everything you're eating? If so, how?

I am not interested in any fad diet or eating completely differently than my family. My children are wonderful eaters and eat lots of healthy food. I feel that I should be able to eat most of what my family eats and attain a reasonable weight. Is that insanity? Am I asking too much? I really don't want to have to be making two dinners every night, you know?

Let me lastly explain that I have educated myself on nutrition. We RARELY go out to eat. With four kids, it's too expensive anyway. I eat a healthy breakfast. We eat homecooked meals almost all the time. And I'm not talking Hamburger Helper. We eat quinoa, chia seeds, LOTS of produce, very limited processed foods, organic milk, limited meat from our butcher, whole wheat bread, tortillas and pasta, brown rice, etc. This is not a fast food problem.

It is just an eating too much problem. Getting used to a slower metabolism. Eating ice cream too often. I like to drink juice and soda sometimes, but not everyday. I love cheese. I love good food and I'm a great cook! This is both helpful and a hindrance when trying to lose weight. It means I can make absolutely delicious hollandaise sauce, canneloni, homemade ice cream, hand rolled pasta, phad thai, eggrolls, curry and other fattening deliciousness. But it also means that I can make healthy food that doesn't taste AS good, but is pretty great too.

In this series, I have two more topics to discuss: "Why My Weight is Not Important To Me" and "My Faith and My Weight." They will both be coming soon!

The Weight of Motherhood (Series, Part 2)

I have been discussing my relationship with my weight as a woman and especially as a mother. The Weight of Motherhood (Series, Part 1) is here.

I had my fourth baby eight months ago. I was hoping to have lost more of the weight after eight months.  Before babies, I weighed about 155 lbs and was comfortable with that.

A picture taken about one year ago at the St. Luke Auction. I was about
five months pregnant and probably weighed about the same as I do now.
As you can see, my tummy was just starting to get noticeably bigger. 

Admitting that my comfortable is 155 lbs is so difficult! I remember watching Everybody Loves Raymond and during one episode, Raymond guesses his wife Debra's weight to be 140 lbs. She is disgusted and says adamantly that she is "nowhere near 140." Now, I am taller than she is and then of course, it's a television show. But it stuck with me. While someone else might be disgusted with 140 lbs, my good day is at 155 lbs!

During pregnancy, I do not gain the recommended 25-35 lbs. It's more like 45 lbs. On the day of birth, it may even be approaching 50 lbs! So at the end of each pregnancy, I weigh about 200 lbs. Going to the doctor's office, having the nurse weigh me and watching that scale tip over 200 lbs is definitely some type of torture.

It helps to remember that I am not my weight. It doesn't define me. It's a number. Also, this may possibly be a form of denial, but I think I carry my weight in a somewhat flattering way. As flattering as extra fat can be, I guess!

A photo of me last August, about three weeks
before Teresa was born. 

With my first baby, the weight came off pretty easily. I didn't have to diet. Nursing for only three months and a little exercise brought me back down to 155 lbs pretty quickly. So much about that first experience as a mom was like false advertising, from the weight coming off so easily to the baby sleeping through the night at ten weeks.


After my second and third babies, I would get down to about 175 lbs and then plateau. After that, I joined Weight Watchers and each time I was able to bring my weight back down to 155 lbs. Weight Watchers definitely works.


So why not just do it again?


For lots and lots of reasons. Right now, I am at 174 lbs and in my next post I will explain my struggle with joining Weight Watchers once again.

The Weight of Motherhood (Series, Part 1)

*****This post is the first in a series. Here are the other posts: Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 & Part 5.

It's time for me to get real. About my weight. I'm putting it out there. Numbers and all. It's hard to admit all of this and it's embarrassing. I am not proud of my weight right now.

Then why write about it on my very public blog? For lots of reasons.

First of all, let me say that my weight isn't really a health problem, something I will discuss more in a future post in this series. There are a lot of people who may even think it's silly for me to complain about weight struggles, as I only have 20 more lbs to lose. I get that. It's not that big of a number. But at the same time, your problems are your problems are your problems. Ya know? I do not have a major health concern to conquer right now, but I DO struggle with my weight and with making healthy choices. That's largely why I am writing about it.

I feel like all other women know how to manage their weight in a healthy, wholesome, mature and natural way. I know this cannot be so. But it's how I FEEL. It seems that I am surrounded by other (thin) moms who have found the way to go through pregnancy after pregnancy, not gain too much baby weight, and have it all come off relatively quickly without dieting.

Is everyone around me blessed with a wonderful, speedy metabolism? Perhaps I do just have a lot of awesomely fit friends. Is there some trick I don't know about? Am I just really bad at this?

Am I delusional?

As we all know, the people of our country (including many moms) have a weight problem. The culture of more, more, more has affected our plates, our portions and also, my butt. I want to talk about that. In a real way. This series does not include a lot of before and happily-ever-after photos of me in a bikini with a six-pack. Nope - my bikini days are long gone no matter what I weigh. And at the end of the series, I'm still struggling and trying to figure this out.

A recent photo of myself. You can see that those are no small hips.

Let me explain that struggle . . .

Another recent photo taken by Jason. 

I am 5'7". I love to cook and eat and drink wine. I am a homeschooling mother of four who is very lacking in extra time or energy. Before I had my first baby, I weighed 155 lbs, which is within a good BMI range. Not skinny. Not overweight. I have been "blessed" with large boobs and large hips. My trouble areas are my thighs and butt. Let's say that even at my thinnest, I have some junk in the trunk. Thankfully, Jason doesn't mind and even appreciates that!

155 lbs is a realistic weight for me. In high school, when I was running varsity cross country every day, I weighed 135 lbs. After high school, I was not exercising at all and went out to eat all the time with my boyfriend. I was also on birth control. In a couple of years, I had put on forty-five pounds and was at 180 lbs. I then took action and began counting calories and exercising most days. I was able to lose thirty pounds and get to 150 lbs. Only moments, very brief moments have passed  when I have been below that (like after I've been vomiting for three days).

I'm okay with that. 155 lbs is fine with me. I have a curvy figure and in a lot of ways, I like that.

The trouble is, I am not at 155 lbs. Not even close.

So why am I writing this? I'm writing it to get real. With myself and with others. While I feel that I am the only one who struggles with this so much, I know there must be readers who can relate. I want them to know that they aren't alone! Also, if other moms who have struggled with this have (kind) words of wisdom to offer, I'm okay with that. And lastly, writing is therapeutic for me. It helps me with the process. It is my yoga and my prayer and my meditation. I am hoping that in opening up about this, in sharing honestly about it with the world, I will be that much closer to finding my motivation and some wisdom about this.

In my next post, I will discuss the weight I gained in each of my pregnancies and where I'm at now.

Breathing Room

I wouldn't say I have claustrophobia, because that isn't it. It's more that I have moments where if one more person touches me, I am going to start screaming. Is this normal?

My mom reassures me that it is. She recalls me as a toddler clinging to her with desperation. She also remembers my younger sister Kristen clutching to her while my brother Jeremy berated her with questions about how electricity and everything else under the sky works. I can relate to that.

Of course I realize that this is a phase of life. There will be a day when I miss little hands in mine; a phase when I long for hugs from my sons who are too embarrassed or difficult to give them; a pivotal moment when I will sit on our couch and a throng of little ones won't battle over the prime space on my lap. This time will come. I wish in knowing that, I would never get irritated with the small hands, arms, legs and feet that grab, clutch, cling, hold, pet and poke me. But alas, I inevitably do.

Yesterday I actually ran away from Veronica. She is the babe who has been most attached to me. After cleaning the house, I needed to shower badly. I often have Veronica shower with me, but not this time. She could sense what was happening and chased me down the hallway. I raced away to close the door behind me, hearing detest and betrayal in her screaming: How could Mommy do this? Of course, Jason was right there to scoop her up and console her.

I also feel myself getting a little territorial of my conversation time with Jason. He is a wonderful father, making sure to really listen to the kids and have in depth conversations about whatever is on their minds. But at the end of the day when he returns home, sometimes I feel like saying, "Hey! I'm the wife! It's my turn to talk!" And occasionally I do say just that!

There have even been times when our family is driving in the car, the children are quiet, Jason begins talking with them and I get irritated! I mean, really, why initiate conversation? Let's enjoy the quiet, for goodness sake. I realize this is unreasonable. I mean, I guess he's allowed to speak to our kids. It has become a joke between he and I: "Do not engage the children!" :)

Tonight, we are removing ourselves from the children in the best way that we can. Adrienne is going to babysit for my brother, Damian's family. The boys will be downstairs watching a movie and eating dinner. If we have to pull out the Baby Einstein for Veronica, so be it.

Motherhood is an all-encompassing, all-consuming role. And of course that is partly what makes it so full of passion, joy and love. But there are times when I don't want to be so consumed.

Sometimes I just need a little breathing room.

Making Decisions

Sometimes I feel incapable of making the decisions I need to make for our family. Every choice has advantages and disadvantages, and sometimes I can think myself dizzy through all of the options and still not come to an answer.

I am currently trying to make a large decision about homeschooling for our family. I shouldn't say "I." I should say "we." For of course Jason and I will make this decision together. We have been doing a lot of research, reading, discussing and praying. But in the end, although I will have Jason's input, he will basically trust me to make the final decision because I am really the one doing most of the homeschooling. Of course I appreciate his faith in me. But do you ever feel like you just wish someone else would make your decisions for you?

For the past two years, we have been enrolled in the Edmonds Homeschooling Resource Center - Edmonds Heights. It has been wonderful. We have met a lot of other wonderful homeschooling families, which was our main goal when becoming enrolled. Joshua has taken some fabulous classes - Spanish, American Sign Language, Legos, Math and Science. He has enjoyed them all and has made some good friends.

However, one of my main frustrations has been the amount of time this has taken out of our schedule. All of these classes were electives. They're great and all, but after reading The Well-Trained Mind, I began to realize that I need more time to teach the basics and teach them well. ASL and Lego class are fun and all, but they become a hindrance when they are taking up my time to teach math, reading and writing.

There are only so many hours in a day and I am continuing to realize and become more adamant in my need to be very selective in what we do with our time. I simply cannot justify spending hours a week on electives when I don't have time for the basics.

Last week I became aware of another program. It is another A.L.E (Alternative Learning Experience) that supports homeschooling families called Meridian Parent Partnership Program or MP3. It provides much of the same support that Edmonds Heights does, except that it also has an extension program, meaning that we do not have to take classes on campus. We can have their support and do all of our learning at home, supplementing with outside lessons and tutors just when we think it's necessary.

We will still have an advisor who will help us to create a Student Learning Plan. We will still have a lot of support from Washington State and will have assistance in understanding homeschooling laws and with student assessment.

We would also have more freedom and more time. But we won't have the community that we have at Edmonds Heights. Joshua has made friendships with many of the children he has had several classes with. I can see the advantages of both scenarios. Edmonds Heights gives us more of a community, but it takes away from our time to be teaching important subjects. MP3 doesn't offer the community, but gives us more freedom and time.

What's more important? How do I decide between the two?

Well, right now I am just buying myself some time. Both Joshua and Noah are enrolled in Edmonds Heights for the fall. And tomorrow I am mailing in the registration forms for MP3.

I have also talked with the boys a lot about it and asked for their opinions. I've let them know what we are considering, how things would change and how we would make it work. They seem to be accepting of the idea of change.

If I had to decide right now, I would choose MP3. I feel like it will be easier to make up for the disadvantages of MP3's program than it has been for me to make up for the disadvantages of Edmonds Heights' program. I can more easily create and work on friendships and community for my children than I can create more time. If we decide to go with MP3, I will make a large effort to stay in touch and continue to nurture the friendships that Joshua (and Noah and I) have made at Edmonds Heights.

When it comes to decisions like this, I am comforted when I remember that nothing is permanent. If we make the switch and don't like it, we can always switch back and that's okay.

It's just too bad that homeschooling and life do not come with instruction manuals :)

Darling Photos

Happy Friday! A few new favorite pics to share :)

Playing with my apron strings as I prepare Jason's birthday dinner.

So precious

Lots of new teeth coming in. Such an adorable smile.

Being a "Yes Mom"

For a while, I have tried to think of myself as a "Yes Mom."

What does this mean? Well, ideally it means that I don't say no unless I actually need to.

So, does it mean that I don't discipline my children? Of course not! It just means that I try to say yes to them as much as I can while still being a good mother and wife.

So it doesn't mean that I don't set limits for my children. That would mean I wasn't a good mom. 

So for instance, let's say I'm exhausted and a child wants to read with me. I'd rather read my book, all by myself. But I still want to try and say yes. This doesn't always happen. Sometimes I do just need some time to myself and that's okay.

Another example would be when a child asks me if they can do something. "Mom, can I build a fort?" "Mom, can we get out our bikes?" "Mom, can we make our own board game using Cheerios, Elmer's glue and glitter?" Well, my instinct sometimes is to say, "No!" Especially to the latter. But rather, I may sigh for a very long time and then try to say yes.

Or at least ask myself, "Why not?"

This is not only good for the children, but good for me. I find when I keep this attitude, my confidence as a mother is higher. I find myself thinking, "Yes we can!"

However, there is a paradox to this. In order to have the freedom to be a "Yes Mom," I have had to learn to say no. If I am over-scheduled and have every single hour of my week committed to something, I won't have the time to say yes. The answer much of the time then has to be no, because we have to get ready for the next thing. Or because I'm too tired from the six things we did before.

This is always a work in progress. The word "no" is so often used when you speak fluent Mommy. I just try to keep this idea in the back of my head and to keep it as part of the way I see myself. 

How might things change in your home if you decided to say yes more?

YES, my darling girl, you CAN have a big ol' piece of chocolate cake for your first birthday.

And then you can have a big ol' bath in the kitchen sink!

Expecting Plans to Fail

Would you like to make God laugh? Just tell Him your plans.

I'm a planner. I plan things. Some plans are for tomorrow. Some plans are for when Jason retires. These are not just dreams. They are plans. We have talked about some of the things we would like to do, even thirty years from now, and we are taking small steps now to make those possible.

I realize that very often, life can trample even the best-laid plans. We have all had this happen to us and it can be very frustrating.

That's okay.

And I can't help but think, so what?

Does this mean that I should no longer plan? To me, the answer is no. To me, this would be like giving up and no longer pursuing excellence, no longer living with purpose and ambition.To me, this is settling for mediocrity. I want more from life than that. And I believe the God wants more for His children than that.

I'm sure that God laughs at a lot of my plans. I'm sure He was laughing while I was in college planning to be a teacher. I'm sure He was thinking, "You sure are going to be surprised who you'll be teaching!"

I'm okay with that and I have faith that God's plans for me will always be better than my own.

But I'm still going to try! I'm going to try damn hard to discern what God is calling me to do, what will bring joy into my family's life and what pursuits are worthwhile.

And then, I'm going to plan and try my best to make those things happen!

The Joys of Being a Stepmother, Pseudo-Aunt and Godmother

We made it. Here we are on the other side - Monday morning.

Jason and I welcomed three additional kiddos into our home on Friday afternoon and had them stay the weekend with us. Matthew, Kayliana and Zachary Martin all joined the Burdullis family for a couple of days while their parents presented an Engaged Encounter weekend. Our three darlins will join the Martin household for the weekend at the end of April.

Good Morning! Breakfast time Saturday morning.

Adrienne was also with us and has been for the past week. If you count her as a "child", that makes seven children for the weekend, although she provides a lot more help than additional work. Jason drove her home to Portland on Sunday afternoon. We had another fabulous visit with her during her spring break and will be counting the days till she comes again this summer. Seriously, the week after she visits, we all have to go through withdrawal. She adds so much to our family and we will miss her so much. The next time we see her, she will have graduated from 8th grade and be ready to begin high school this fall! Unbelievable!

The weekend went great! Everyone slept well and there were no major injuries - success!

With the Martin children, Jason and I got to relish in our role as pseudo-aunt and uncle (Matthew and Zach call us Auntie Rebecca and Uncle Jason, which pulls my heartstrings every time) as well as our role as godparents to Kayli.

This all brings me so much joy. To see all of these children in our life play together and interact with one another with so many different personalities and dynamics is amazing to witness.

At one point during the weekend, I was on the phone with Jenny giving her an update about how the weekend was going. I was telling her about Veronica and Kayli interacting and called them "the girls."

Jenny exclaimed, "The girls! I love that you just said, 'The girls!' I still can't believe that we both have little girls!"

It's true. "The boys" has always been a common phrase among our two families. But it is such a blessing to now have added "the girls" to our vernacular!

And I must say, they are pretty darn cute together.

See . . .

It was very fun to have two little girls around who are so curious and excited about the world around them, who love to chat and to snuggle. I have had more hugs this weekend than maybe ever. And when one of them was feeling sad, it seems a mommy is the best comfort, even if I am a lame replacement for Kayli's actual wonderful mother. On Saturday evening, I was holding them both quite a bit, eventually causing Veronica to be a bit jealous. She expressed this by rolling around the floor and collapsing in irritation, which was funny and adorable.

What a blessing to be so loved! And what a blessing to not only be able to have my own children, but to have an inspiring stepdaughter and to have these three darling children join our family every now and then. We all had so much fun together. I couldn't help but smile at all of the bedtime whispering and giggling happening last night :)

Who's that?

All the girls in PJ's

Saving my Strength

This will be very short as I am saving all of my energy for this weekend.

Including Adrienne, we will have seven children at our house from about 4:00 this afternoon until about 4:00 on Sunday afternoon.

Our dear friends, Mike and Jenny, are presenting an Engaged Encounter weekend and we are taking care of their children. They will be doing the same for us at the end of April. We have done this before many times, but these are the first weekends that will include the youngest child in each family. 

Seven children. Two one year olds. A four year old. A five year old. A seven year old. An eight year old. And a fourteen year old. Thank goodness for the fourteen old!

Pray for us :)

And if we are still alive on Monday, I'll tell you about it. Or maybe Tuesday, depending on how exhausted I am.

Hope you have a great weekend!

A Year Gone By

Very pregnant almost exactly a year ago at Joshua's 6th birthday party.

Snuggling and resting with Noah and a very swollen belly.

There was an eclipse the week before she was born and I was definitely hoping that somehow the alignment of the stars would force the baby OUT! :)

And then after about 30-40 hours of labor (who knows when we should have started counting), she was born.

She definitely has a great pair of lungs which she still likes to prove with her velociraptor screech.

Peace and Joy

A full year. That's how long it's been since my daughter entered the world.

Time absolutely flies, and especially so when you are falling in love with your baby. When Veronica was first born, I was asked over and over if it was different to finally have a little girl. Many found my answer to be surprising, for the answer when she was an infant was, "No, not really."

I mean, what is the real difference between a girl infant and a boy? Well, really it just comes down to diaper changes. Other than that, they pretty much do the same things: eat, sleep and poop.

Veronica all dressed up for her first Easter with her two brothers.

Some would argue that there are the clothes, clothes, clothes! And yes, while dressing a baby girl is lots of fun, we have been so blessed to have two families give us all of their girl hand-me-downs. So I could literally count on one hand the number of clothes or accessories that I've bought for Veronica.

I love being a girl. Always have. I grew up with three brothers and my little sister, but she wasn't born until I was ten. Throughout my childhood, I developed a balance between my natural feminine instincts and the influence from my brothers. I loved Barbies and princesses and dress-up and doing my hair and wearing pretty dresses. But I also loved playing army, Legos and mud-gushing at camp.

I like that balance and it is something that I have always hoped to pass onto my daughter someday. I love being a woman and feel honored that I will have the chance to teach a young girl how to be a woman. And not just any young girl. But my little girl. My daughter. My Veronica.

A few weeks ago, I spent part of my Mother's Day Out at Toys 'R Us buying birthday gifts for Joshua and Veronica. This might seem like an odd way to spend part of what is supposed to be my day of relaxation. But shopping without three children in tow will now always seem like a vacation :)

And it was so fun! I took my time and browsed each isle, really thinking about what to buy each child. As I've done so little shopping for Veronica, I wanted to buy her everything! But I had a difficult time, because she is obviously too young for about 99% of the things in the store. And I don't want to rush and buy her things that she will have no appreciation for. I want to wait. I want to buy her a beautiful, porcelain tea set when she absolutely loves having tea parties. I want to savor her childhood and make it last as long as I possibly can.


Walking through those isles, I saw much of my childhood laying behind me and in a more real way than ever (and yes, in the isles of frickin' Toys 'R Us), I saw the childhood of my daughter laying before me. And yes, I almost started crying right there in the midst of all the Pepto Bismal pink.

Now when people ask me if it's different having a girl, I have begun to answer yes. She is definitely more chatty than the boys were at that age. Even though she only has a few words, she is very conversational. Whenever the phone rings, her hand immediately goes up to her ear. She is definitely more cautious, sitting right down if she knows you are trying to get her to walk. And she just loves to hold and hug and pat her baby.

She is so snugly and so sweet and my best afternoons right now are the ones when I lose track of time and forget my chores and get down on the floor and crawl after her as she squeals in delight.

Happy Birthday Veronica!

Getting So Big

Birthday Photos

There are no words. This past weekend was one for the books. Couldn't possibly write about it all. I'm too exhausted! All I can say is that my family rocks. Absolutely rocks. And I am very, very grateful. Take a scroll down and witness it yourself.