The Speed of Summer - Making it Slow Down with Summer Cravings

Is it really the second half of July??? Teresa is now ten months old! I feel like it was just a few days ago that I wrote she was nine months old.

Isn't summer whizzing by at record speed? I have a bittersweet relationship with the second half of summer. While I enjoy it so much, I am simultaneously sad that it is passing so quickly. It is an annual joke between Jason and I that once our Forth of July trip to Lake Chelan is over, we can begin planning for Christmas. It really does feel like that each year.

At this point in the summer, it becomes more difficult to relax for reasons twofold. As I'm sure you've noticed, in every store you walk into, school supplies are on display for the "Back to School" sales. I realize this is simply marketing, but it bugs me so much.

These displays remind me of the cornucopia of organizational projects and lesson planning I would like to complete before the new school year begins. I have made a good dent, but the reality is that I will never complete everything before September. I had been making good progress, but that has been put on hold as I prepare our family for a 10 day camping trip that we will be taking soon. This is our longest camping trip yet and it takes quite a bit of organization. The necessary preparations for September are complete, but there is always more that I want to do.

Summer Rolling By

Secondly, the site of the in-my-face, mocking school supplies just stresses me out and makes me panic--Hurry up! Have fun! Enjoy the summer NOW, because it's almost over. It's slipping away. This summer and your children's childhoods are slipping away! Make some happy childhood memories for them NOW! Everyone have fun NOW, damn it!

For some reason, that thought process doesn't really foster relaxation and fun.

The boys and I have been spending many evenings in our back yard after dinner, reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. What a delight! Last week we took them spontaneously to get a fro-yo and then we all played tag at the park.

I crave more times like these. I want to roll in the grass with my kids, find constellations, feel the lake's water up to our ankles, our knees, our waists, our chests, our necks and whoops! - slip underwater and swim and splash and scream with delight. I want to fly a kite and watch the boisterous clouds change shape before our eyes and blow fluffy dandelion seeds all over and not care about the future dandelions sure to crop up later. I want to snuggle around the campfire, sing songs, tell stories and get our hands sticky with chocolate and warm marshmallows. I want to go play on the swings with them and pump and pump and pump our legs until we reach the sky and the swings jump a little as we make our way down, causing my stomach to turn.

I want to hold them and squeeze them and take them in and love them and smother them with kisses and hugs!

Thankfully, our camping trip will give us a lot of opportunity to live out this sentiment. It is a lot of work to prepare for and a lot of work to set up. But once we're there, life slows down. We share the meal preparation and dishes with the friends and family who will be with us. So most of our time is filled with going on small hikes, fishing, enjoying the beach, swimming, boating, reading, playing games and sitting around the campfire.

It's the perfect pleasure to satisfy my cravings.

Experiencing Silence at Lunchtime: Listening to the Lord

Pausing in silence and stillness, I take a moment to gaze out my window. I am eating lunch and all of my children are quiet. Teresa, Veronica and Noah are all napping. Joshua is reading quietly in another room. Let's just say this doesn't happen everyday. And if it does, I usually take advantage of it by "getting stuff done."

Today,  I don't. Not that there isn't an eternal to-do list. There always is. But rather than eat my lunch while reading a book, catching up on the news, watching TV, writing a Vacation Bible School letter to parents or writing emails, I decide to close my computer and eat my lunch in silence.

I take a few bites and then set down my fork. I look out the window. The sky and clouds are layered on top of each other in an eternal vastness, reminding me of my Creator. At the moment, I remember that He is with me. I feel His presence. I immediately begin to talk to Him in prayer, "Thank you for this moment of silence."

Upon saying the word "silence," I realize that I am disturbing the silence with my own thoughts and prayers. Instead, I choose to listen. I close my eyes and breathe deeply in and out, only whispering in my mind a couple of time, "I praise you."

My heart beats harder in my chest, reminding me that God is not only around me but within me. I am filled with the Holy Spirit.

I open my eyes. Looking out the window renewed, the world is actually, literally brighter. The sun has peaked from behind a cloud and streams of sunlight pour down. A flying bug lands on our deck. I continue to observe God's creation. A small bird lands just outside my window. It flutters around and lands over and over and finally flies away. The branches sway gently. God is all around me. Tears fill my eyes.

The moment comes and the moment goes, ebbing and flowing from me like the tide. Eventually it passes. I wait to see if there is any more, not wanting it to slip away. But of course it does. Ironically, when the moment has gone, I immediately pop open my laptop to write it down. It was so wonderful, I wanted to remember it and share it.

All of this occurred on a random Monday afternoon.

I recently shared a five-part series on weight and motherhood. After that, I thought a lot about it and wondered what my next step would be. I prayed a lot about it, did a lot of research and have been reading a lot.

But one lesson that I've learned so far is to turn off the computer, the Kindle, the TV and just eat. Experience my meal. Savor it. Enjoy it. And thus, be more satisfied. Not just with the actual food, but with the experience of enjoying a meal.

If I hadn't done that last Monday afternoon, the silence and the stillness would have slipped by and I would not have even noticed the way the Lord was trying to speak to me in that moment.

Redefining Prayer

When I was younger, I would internally mock the people I encountered who were obviously inspired by nature. It seemed so cheesy to me. It didn't feel real. Growing up in the Northwest, I suppose I have been spoiled by all of the breathtaking scenery I witness everyday. The grass really is greener here! Furthermore, as a girl I could look out the window of my room to see what is now the Kruckeberg Botanic Garden which is just behind my parents' property. Not too shabby!

So in my youth, when someone would be awed by let's say the mountains that I saw every single day, I would internally roll my eyes and mock them in my mind. "Oooooooo. Mountains. They're like really big. And there's like snow on them and stuff. Wooow. Sooooo amazing."

Mount Rainier from northwest (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Of course I wouldn't let any of this show to whomever I was mocking. I would probably just nod and act like I was moved by nature too. But I wasn't. I just didn't get it. And while writing this now, it is occurring to me that I may really have been quite a brat.

I'll even admit that this continued some into adulthood. Early in our relationship, Jason and I would be driving and he would point out a small waterfall while we traveled over Steven's Pass or Mount Rainier on a sunny day. I would shrug my shoulders in response. I'd seen it a million times.

Thank goodness this aloofness toward my surroundings is a part of immaturity that I have grown past. Not only have I grown past this attitude, but I find myself evolving more and more into someone who craves being outdoors, who needs it, who is refreshed and re-energized by it, who finds peace, rest and wonder in it.

Last night, I began the post-children's-bedtime part of my evening sitting on the couch to watch So You Think You Can Dance. As I love dance, it is a show that I would like to get into. But because the actual dancing only takes up like five percent of the show and the rest is commercials and annoying judges, I got bored. I ended up getting on my computer, researching novels I would like to read and putting them on hold with our library--one of my absolute favorite pastimes. But when that was complete, I felt restless. So at about 8:45, I grabbed a blanket, some iced tea, a sliced peach and the book I've been intimidated to really begin, Shantaram. I spent the next hour outside reading.

And at the end of that hour, I found myself collected.

This is noteworthy because for various reasons, I have felt a little out of sorts the past few weeks. This disorientation of my self has been accumulating within me, more and more, so much so that yesterday morning I actually had a small pit beginning to grow in my stomach.

When I begin to feel this way, I often find that I am not spending much time in prayer or reflection. As a cradle Catholic, this brings on guilt. I do not pray a daily rosary. I do not go to daily Mass. I do not read my Bible every day. My mind tells me, "If you were doing those things, you wouldn't be feeling this way!" And while I understand the rosary now and like to pray it sometimes; while I appreciate and love the Mass and find joy in it in a way that I never did in my youth; while I do read my Bible frequently and go to it for answers--none of these things are easily put into my daily routine.

Easily. That is a key word in that sentence. And it is one that brings on guilt. It means that if I really made some of these things a priority, then I would make time for them. But in "making them a priority," I feel that they can often lose their purpose. They simply become something to check off the to-do list, rather than a genuine connection with God.

St. Ignatius, founder of the Jesuits, believed that God is everywhere and in everything. This means that spending time outside, in God's creation, in itself can be a prayer when I am doing it with reflection, purpose and gratitude.

English: Lake Washington, Seattle (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I can stretch this philosophy further by realizing prayer can also be taking the time to find quiet at the end of the day to read a novel and find God in the prose of my fellow man, last night in the case of Gregory David Roberts' words in Shantaram. By reading with reflection and intention, I can further understand another human's condition, perspective and experience.



During this glorious week of summer in Seattle, I am able to find God all around me--in the waves of Lake Washington, in my vegetable garden, in Veronica's hugs, in my boys' questions, in a great novel and in my backyard.

What better prayer is there than to seek out God in all that we see and do?

Mother's Day Out?

I recently spoke about a book that I am rereading, A Mother's Rule of Life.  I read it a few years ago, related to a lot of it and found many really helpful ideas.

One idea that I did not really relate to was the idea of a Mother's Day Out. Holly Pierlot, the author, explains how every other week she has a Saturday to herself. She is able to leave the house and the children to her husband and come home only when she is ready, feeling rejuvenated for her role in motherhood for the next two weeks. While this all sounded fantastic three years ago, it seemed luxurious and not like something that was necessary in my life at the time. Honestly, I may have even judged her for this "indulgence."

Times have changed. When reading this book now, I think this concept is one of the ideas that has spoken to me the most. It no longer seemed like a luxury, but a necessity.

What's the difference between then and now? Well, we have three children now. Homeschooling requires more time and energy then it did then. And while we are still active in Engaged Encounter, I have also taken on a more active role in our parish.

For several months now, I have felt a strong need for a break. A real break. Not just reading for seven minutes while I eat a sandwich before I do the dishes from lunch. Jason recognized this need in me, perhaps because I mentioned it several times in tears. Jason understands and is a compassionate rock of strength and love for me. It was he that first suggested that I get a "day off" before I even began rereading Holly's explanation of it.

Even though I feel that this is a sincere, very real need of mine, it still makes me feel guilty. I know so many other moms that don't get days off and they seem to be handling motherhood just fine. Many of them have more children than I do and are also homeschooling. I also feel guilty that I need to devote one of our weekend days entirely to myself. It seems selfish. Jason works hard all week too. What about Father's Day Out?

Of course, if Jason expressed that he also wanted days scheduled like this for him, then we would make that happen. But Jason doesn't need to get away from the house and the children like I do. He's happy to be home.

Jenny says that I'm not allowed to feel guilty about this and that she is my advocate. What a nice thought!

For now, I think we will try to make a Mother's Day Out scheduled once a month. That seems sufficient. But maybe if I was homeschooling five children like Holly, I would need this every two weeks like she does.

So today is my first official day off. What will I do with myself? Well, I am starting with my first zumba class with a new friend. I am also hopeful to get some reading and writing done. Maybe a little shopping. I will be going to Confession and perhaps to evening Mass. And I will end the day by getting a drink with Jenny.

Sounds like absolute bliss. Thanks, honey - I needed it :)

Bad Days

Sometimes I feel like a bad mom. Sometimes I can't be around them anymore. Sometimes by the end of the day, I am so utterly exhausted and I really, desperately need a break.

This is what my kitchen regularly looks like. Dishes to be washed. Food to be put away. Toys to be put away. Mail to be sorted. Broken toys. Toys that need batteries. The wine in the back is sounding pretty good :)

Did my mom have days like this? If she did, I sure don't remember. I just remember homemade cookies, pot roast and how she was such a fun Girl Scout leader. Maybe my kids won't remember my bad days either.

From this side you can see the open Diet Coke can and the kitchen table that is covered with two different art projects that still need to be cleaned up.

The past few weeks have been especially difficult; I have two large events for two different ministries that I volunteer for (and love) in the next three weeks. Furthermore, Veronica has been sick a lot, making her especially cranky and confusing. She has perfected a high pitch, screechy, pissed off yell that gets under my skin. I don't always respond lovingly or maturely.

When a day like this comes along, it can be difficult to tell if I am just really tired or if I'm getting sick. Thankfully, Jason has a very receptive radar for when I have a particularly rough day. When a day like this comes along, I retreat from our usual family dinner and eat alone on the couch in front of the TV. Not my best mom moment, but sometimes it seems necessary.

Right now there are two loads of laundry that need to be folded, dishes that need to be washed and children that need to be bathed. I could probably use a shower too, because that hasn't happened today either.

Do you have days like this? How do you handle them? How do you avoid them?

Here I am at the end of a tiring day, without makeup or a shower. I have retreated to the couch for the evening, writing on my blog, grasping with both hands for a little sanctuary.

Sanctuary

(Below are parts of the definitions as given on Dictionary.com)

sanc-tu-ar-y

     7. Any place of refuge; asylum.

ref-uge

     1. Shelter or protection from danger, trouble, etc.: to take refuge from a storm.
     2. A place of shelter, protection, or safety.
     3. Anything to which one has recourse for aid, relief, or escape.

For a long time, my best friend Jenny and I have used the word "sanctuary" as a reminder for one another. It is such a strong, foundational part of our friendship that when Veronica was born, Jenny had this sign made for me as a gift.

This sign hangs on my kitchen wall, where I can see it everyday.

We need sanctuary whenever our lives are overwhelming, when we are stressed, when we are bone tired, when our children are driving us crazy, when there is change and thus chaos in our lives, when we are hormonal, when we feel down or depressed, when someone has hurt our feelings or made us angry or when we are trying to make a difficult decision. So, basically this means that we need sanctuary all the time. It has to be a regular part of our lives.

So, what is sanctuary? Sanctuary can mean many different things. Most often for Jenny and I, a really long chat on the phone with one another is our form of refuge. If we are experiencing a particularly challenging day, we may both savor a glass of wine during that conversation. Even better is a day spent together while our children play and we can talk for hours on end in one of our homes. Lunch often includes a glass (or two) of wine on these days as well. In the summer time, we try to schedule these days weekly and if the weather cooperates, they often take place at a beach on Lake Washington with a picnic lunch.

The Biblical word for this is "Sabbath."

Thus says the Lord: Take care for the sake of your lives, and do not bear a burden on the Sabbath day or do any work, but keep the Sabbath day holy, as I commanded your fathers. Jeremiah 17: 21-22

Our American culture is terrible at this. Our society says that our value is found in how much work we get done and how much money we make. Who cares how well you know how to rest?

But God knows otherwise - even He took the seventh day to rest! Think about that. God didn't need to rest; He is all powerful. But rest is so worthwhile and so important that even God made time for it.

So should you!

I realize I'm stating the obvious, but we are not God. We actually do need rest. Furthermore, our efforts in our work will be much more productive if we take the time to rest.

But even as I write this, that idea bothers me. We shouldn't seek out time for rest simply so we can be better workers. I can just see that--Hurry up and rest so you can get back to work! Ha! That's completely missing the point. Rather, we should seek out rest simply for the sake of resting.

This resting, or sanctuary as Jenny and I call it, is an imperative part of a fulfilling, purposeful, daily life.

How can you create more sanctuary in your life? Do you know someone who is overwhelmed right now? What could you do to help them create some sanctuary?

Jenny and I having some "Sanctuary" last summer with our babes in tow.