Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Weight of Motherhood (Series, Part 1)

*****This post is the first in a series. Here are the other posts: Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 & Part 5.

It's time for me to get real. About my weight. I'm putting it out there. Numbers and all. It's hard to admit all of this and it's embarrassing. I am not proud of my weight right now.

Then why write about it on my very public blog? For lots of reasons.

First of all, let me say that my weight isn't really a health problem, something I will discuss more in a future post in this series. There are a lot of people who may even think it's silly for me to complain about weight struggles, as I only have 20 more lbs to lose. I get that. It's not that big of a number. But at the same time, your problems are your problems are your problems. Ya know? I do not have a major health concern to conquer right now, but I DO struggle with my weight and with making healthy choices. That's largely why I am writing about it.

I feel like all other women know how to manage their weight in a healthy, wholesome, mature and natural way. I know this cannot be so. But it's how I FEEL. It seems that I am surrounded by other (thin) moms who have found the way to go through pregnancy after pregnancy, not gain too much baby weight, and have it all come off relatively quickly without dieting.

Is everyone around me blessed with a wonderful, speedy metabolism? Perhaps I do just have a lot of awesomely fit friends. Is there some trick I don't know about? Am I just really bad at this?

Am I delusional?

As we all know, the people of our country (including many moms) have a weight problem. The culture of more, more, more has affected our plates, our portions and also, my butt. I want to talk about that. In a real way. This series does not include a lot of before and happily-ever-after photos of me in a bikini with a six-pack. Nope - my bikini days are long gone no matter what I weigh. And at the end of the series, I'm still struggling and trying to figure this out.
A recent photo of myself. You can see that those are no small hips.

Let me explain that struggle . . .

Another recent photo taken by Jason. 
I am 5'7". I love to cook and eat and drink wine. I am a homeschooling mother of four who is very lacking in extra time or energy. Before I had my first baby, I weighed 155 lbs, which is within a good BMI range. Not skinny. Not overweight. I have been "blessed" with large boobs and large hips. My trouble areas are my thighs and butt. Let's say that even at my thinnest, I have some junk in the trunk. Thankfully, Jason doesn't mind and even appreciates that!

155 lbs is a realistic weight for me. In high school, when I was running varsity cross country every day, I weighed 135 lbs. After high school, I was not exercising at all and went out to eat all the time with my boyfriend. I was also on birth control. In a couple of years, I had put on forty-five pounds and was at 180 lbs. I then took action and began counting calories and exercising most days. I was able to lose thirty pounds and get to 150 lbs. Only moments, very brief moments have passed  when I have been below that (like after I've been vomiting for three days).

I'm okay with that. 155 lbs is fine with me. I have a curvy figure and in a lot of ways, I like that.

The trouble is, I am not at 155 lbs. Not even close.

So why am I writing this? I'm writing it to get real. With myself and with others. While I feel that I am the only one who struggles with this so much, I know there must be readers who can relate. I want them to know that they aren't alone! Also, if other moms who have struggled with this have (kind) words of wisdom to offer, I'm okay with that. And lastly, writing is therapeutic for me. It helps me with the process. It is my yoga and my prayer and my meditation. I am hoping that in opening up about this, in sharing honestly about it with the world, I will be that much closer to finding my motivation and some wisdom about this.

In my next post, I will discuss the weight I gained in each of my pregnancies and where I'm at now.


  1. Glad your writting again. Love your blogs. I relate to just about everything! Especially this last post. I make myself wake up at 550am every morning to work out since jan. I hate it every morning still but tell myself this is for noah-so I can live a long healthy life for him... lol if you ever want to get together for a brisk walk with babes in tow let me know. Keep writting. I love the read. ;)

  2. Nope, you're not alone at all!! I have four also and gained way too much with each one. After every pregnancy it took at least a year to get myself to an almost acceptable weight. And I was also surrounded by all of these women who only "gained 15 pounds" with theirs. I think being an athlete at a younger age just makes the weight more difficult mentally later. Just remember, when you ran cross country, you didn't have to haul four kids with you. The weight will come off eventually. It just takes a little time. Keep your head up and remember what you have achieved so far when you look at your family. It takes a TON of energy, both mental and physical, just to raise your family and that is so much more important than whether you look like the skinny woman down the block.


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