Friday, February 4, 2011

Higher Than the Moon

Yesterday I walked to the store to buy more thank you notes. This is an indication of what my life has been like lately. Such problems I have, right?

A couple of weeks ago, I sent out an email to many friends and family letting them know that my doctor has asked me to rest and that we could use some extra help. The response has been nothing short of astounding. I am astounded.

We have had a constant procession of loved ones knocking on our door with gifts of delicious casseroles, time to babysit and offers to clean our home. I have never in all my life felt so spoiled, loved and supported. Such pampered treatment has caused a sense of guilt in me that I have had to consciously make an effort to suppress and invalidate: "This is not necessary. I'm fine. I should be bringing you dinner. I should be cleaning your house. I do not deserve or really need this."

At a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, the doctor gave me further direction to rest and was happy to hear we have had so much help. She expressed her concern for me to make it through the next four weeks without going into labor. So I guess this extra assistance isn't overindulgence after all. But there is still this sense of apprehension, an uneasiness that arises in me as I put my feet up on the couch while others make lunch for my sons or clean my toilet. I am greatly humbled.

I also have the nagging, persistent question in the back of my mind, "Am I this good of a friend, daughter, sister, wife, cousin, or niece?" I am not fishing for compliments here, but have genuinely wondered this. One of the most moving sentiments that now resides deep within me is an overwhelming desire to be there for those who need me. And not that I wish any bad will on those who I love, but in some ways I do hope for the opportunity to express my gratitude to others with more than just a thank you note. In other words, I will be there for all the loved ones in my life. I got your back.

These past weeks have been filled with so many highs. But unforgettable memories were made this past weekend with my darling Jason. My loving parents watched our boys for the entire weekend so that we could indulge in a "babymoon." Jason and I have not had a weekend together simply to relax in a long time. We have been able to get away many times in the past couples of years, but those weekends have all been very busy and full with Engaged Encounter weekends, Unit Board meetings and Conventions. And while we have loved those times very much and have come back from them renewed and inspired, they are a very different type of experience.

This past weekend, we lingered. We napped. We talked for hours without interruption. We rested. We relaxed. We reconnected and got to know each other better. We laughed till our bellies ached (and till I had to race to the bathroom). We made out. We slept in. We luxuriously enjoyed each other's company.

It was heaven. It was bliss. It was perfect.

In the past weeks, my heart has grown. I now love all of my loved ones all the more. Especially my darling companion, Jason.

And in eight weeks, I know my heart will have another growth spurt. How much love can one person hold?

Jason and I enjoying dinner at our favorite restaurant, El Gaucho.

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