Monday, October 7, 2013
Today is Jason's first day back at work, which I have been dreading. I have never suffered from postpartum depression, but I definitely tend to have some major postpartum anxiety. I am not a typically anxious person and I don't like it! After Joshua was born, it was a few months before I took him grocery shopping because I had this irrational fear about it. Of course, when I finally did it, I wondered why I had been so anxious. And now it just seems absurd to be afraid of going shopping with just one little baby!
I have been afraid of this week, doing it all on my own. When expressing this to Jason, he immediately offered to work from home this week. But I explained that this would just prolong my anxiety. It's like ripping off a band-aid. I just need to get through it, to see that I can do it and that it's not as bad as I feared.
This is like marathon training, remember? I don't need treats. I need fuel! And I need that fuel to be as nutritious and lactogenic (milk producing) as possible. After doing some research, I have decided to limit my dairy intake, chocolate, cabbage, broccoli and peanuts as these can cause gas and colic in babies. If you knew how much ice cream I ate over the summer, you would understand that giving that up is a huge challenge!
Of course, taking care of myself also means trying to rest when I can. There's always the advice given, "Sleep when the baby sleeps." Yeah, well, that's good and all with your first baby. But with number four? It usually isn't possible. Occasionally I will be able to nap when she does. But I have to broaden my definition of rest. For instance, right now I am writing. Teresa is sleeping, Joshua is reading, Veronica is napping and Noah is listening to an audiobook. So I am taking a break from folding laundry and doing dishes, sitting and writing about life which is very therapeutic and relaxing for me. Also, I have been going to bed each night around 9:00 or 9:30, helping me to make the most of the nighttime hours.
I also need to make sure that I remember to pray. I especially need to pray for God's grace and help in being patient with the older children. It's easier to be patient with a baby. But I tend to focus on how hard things are for me and forget that this is a difficult change for the older children too.
But the truth is, it's more comforting and helpful for me to write about what I'm struggling with.
While I'm sure I put my best self forth on my blog, I try to also be real and share my difficulties too. And like all of the most worth while things in life, this journey is wonderful, but it is also hard.