Morning Sickness, Tiredness, Headaches, Oh My!

Please do not honor me with a surprise visit right now.

I don't think my house has ever been this trashed. EVER. On the living room floor, we have an eclectic collection of pillows, books, boots, doggy toys, stuffed animals, an empty laundry basket (that should be filled with laundry to be done, but is not), slippers, sheets from the fort we built last week, bits of duct tape from the same project, dirty socks, dust bunnies, crumbs and some garbage.

My kitchen counters are covered with this week's mail, water bottles, walkie talkies, vitamin containers, empty fruit bowls, McDonalds cups, a humidifier, a high chair tray and dirty bib, dirty dishes, clean dishes that need to be put away, more garbage and more crumbs.

For your sake and for the sake of my nausea, I will not describe our bathrooms.

My saving grace has been that Jason has been the perfect husband for at least six weeks now. I mean, he is always amazing and incredible and has always gone above and beyond. But I am willing to say that for the past six weeks, he has been perfect. Understanding, compassionate, patient, attentive, so helpful and picking up an enormous amount of slack around the house.  But how long can I expect him to do that?

At this moment, Jason is out grocery shopping with Noah.  I was supposed to go, but I am lying on the couch with an upset stomach, a headache, much fatigue, nausea and the feeling of being sick and tired of being sick and tired.

As I lie here, a haunting question plagues me--Will I ever be myself again?

More so--Who is that person?

There is a shadow in my mind, a faint hint, an obscure remnant of this other woman who used to live here. She is like a ghost and I am unsure if she really exists or if I dreamed of her last night. This woman showers on a regular basis because she likes to do so, she has the energy to do so and the hot steam doesn't make her feel nauseous.

She gets up at 5 am on weekdays to walk her dog for an hour with a friend. She takes her children to daily Mass regularly. She goes to Zumba class two to three times per week. She meal plans for two weeks at a time, does the shopping every other week and then actually cooks those meals. She does at least one load of laundry everyday. Her house is adequately clean, but with three children, a dog and homeschooling, is rarely exceptionally so.

She's fun. She's upbeat. She's positive. She's motivated and ambitious. She's a hard worker.

Did I make her up? Has anyone seen her?

Please, please, if you see her, tell her to COME BACK! NOW! We need her. I need her. I can't do this without her. Someone needs to clean this place up.

(Please note: I wrote this three weeks ago, but didn't post it as I was waiting longer to post anything about this pregnancy. After I wrote it and described in detail the state of my house, I was suddenly motivated to get it cleaned up, which I did. And praise God - I am now slowly beginning to feel better and more like myself. Rather than feeling awful everyday, I've had some good days and when I do feel sick, it's for a portion of the day rather than for days on end. This week, I walked, grocery shopped, cooked, went to Mass and went to Zumba. Although the house hasn't been in quite the state it was on that day, it's still not up to par. So, if you do unexpectedly drop in, still be prepared to see a messy house.)

What's Going On With Us . . .

Test taken the day after Alicia's wedding, as the sharpie pen note indicates :)

Coming sometime around September 21, 2013 . . . 

The newest addition to the Burdullis family! We are extremely excited. I am about twelve weeks along, making me almost finished with the first trimester. Thank God. Morning sickness has been AWFUL. It's gotten worse with each pregnancy. I have a whole post to share about that, and many more that have been written as I've been laid up on the couch. Cheers to entering the 2nd trimester!

La Boheme . . .

Last night, I went to La Boheme with Kristen. Let me say that if you were ever to see an opera, this is the one to see. It was exquisite; the last scene was the most heart-wrenching and moving I have ever witnessed in any form. The opera was full of drama, passion, sorrow and love. In my very novice opinion, it was everything an opera should be. The sets, the costumes, the singing, the acting, the poetic lyrics--all was everything I had ever imagined. I was moved to live life more fully, to cherish each moment more thoroughly and to love more passionately. The experience was proof that art and music have the power to really change us.

On a completely different note, I had fun getting all dolled up and taking the time to do my long hair the way I love one last time. This Friday, I have an appointment for a major cut to donate my hair to Locks of Love. Pinterest has helped me to visualize the style I would like to end up with - a short bob about chin length. I have been thinking about this for a long time. As my hair is well past the length requirements, it seems silly not to donate it to such a good cause. It will be fun to try a new hair style and then of course, it does grow back. I am excited, but of course a little nervous too.

Here are some before pics :)

It's So Quiet!

It's been a strange weekend. Because I've been sick this past week, Jason, Joshua and Noah left without Veronica and I to spend the long weekend with my family at Mt. Rainier. I struggled with my decision to stay or to go, but in the end, it was clear that I needed to stay home, rest and get well.

I spent half of Friday helping them get ready to leave. After they left, I pretty quickly found myself bored. I'm not used to a pretty empty house that is so quiet. I do realize that it's pretty funny that I feel a house with a toddler, dog and cat feels empty. It just shows what my life is usually like. The majority of my time is usually managing Joshua and Noah, not Veronica. Joshua and Noah argue with one another as all siblings do, often requiring guidance. They are usually pretty loud. Obviously, five days a week I am teaching them and trying to stay in tune with what they are interested in, seeking out learning opportunities. I am trying to teach them to be loving, godly boys and deal with disobedience and bad attitudes.

They are also caring and attentive. When I don't feel well, Joshua often asks how I am doing in a concerned way. He plays with my hair. Noah often says, "Mommy!" as he runs to give me a squeeze.

Jason doesn't have cell reception up at The Lodge, so I haven't been able to talk to him accept for a quick call on Friday night  letting me know that they arrived safely. My conversation this weekend has been with an almost two-year-old, to God or to myself. I have become aware that if I lived alone, I would talk to myself all the time!

Needless to say, having the three of them gone for three days creates quite an absence in our home! At each meal, Veronica has called out, "Boys! Lunch time!" She is missing them all too.

I have made use of my time by beginning to potty train Veronica, which is going well. Each day it's gotten a little bit better, so hopefully that will continue. A couple of weeks ago, I posted on Facebook that my high for the day was Veronica telling me first that she loved me. Well, apparently now she's not very choosy with who or what she says that to. Each time we flush the toilet, she peers down into the hole of whirling water and calls out, "Bye-bye pee-pee! I love you!"

I have also spent a lot of time going through Veronica's clothes, organizing them, packing away clothes that are too small, getting out bigger hand-me-downs, etc. With two families giving us all of their little girl clothes, Veronica has so many clothes. I have bought her less than ten items since she was born.

I put together a large basket of her summer clothes, putting me in such a good mood. We only have one more month of winter! Soon it will be St. Patrick's Day, Spring, Easter, time for planting and two months containing four birthdays in our home! I am missing my boys and really looking forward to the many more opportunities we will have in the coming months to have fun together.

The weekend has had it's lovely parts too. Less dishes. More reading. Sleeping in. Singing and dancing with Veronica. Napping. I am feeling much better and will be so very ready for our men to return home tomorrow.
 

For Me, Being A Good Mom Means . . .

Saying "I'm sorry". This is essential.

Many people seem to think that because we homeschool, I have been blessed with more patience than the next mom. While I wish this were true, it is so very, very false. I have a daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute battle with not losing my patience and my temper.

This morning, I was trying to get the three kiddos out the door, ironically to go to Mass. I think for all moms, getting out the door in the early morning can be very hectic, to say the least. This is usually the craziest, most stressful part of my day.

I have read many tips on how to make this part of the day easier. First is to prepare the night before, so we set out clothes and pack backpacks and such the night before. Next is to get up earlier. Well, I do this the best that I can. I get up at 5:00 on weekdays so that I can get out for a walk with Kahlua and my friend Jennifer each morning. I get Joshua and Noah up at 6:45 and Veronica up at 7:00. I'm really not willing to get up any earlier or get them up any earlier. Sleep is important too. But despite my efforts, getting three kids out the door can still feel like a hurricane is violently making its way through the house.

How many times do I need to say, "Get your shoes and coat on"? While we have taught our children REPEATEDLY that they need to obey right away, the execution can be quite lacking at times.

What can be more frustrating than trying so hard not to be late and having a child doddle and not listen? After asking Joshua many times to get his shoes and coat on, I discovered him sitting on the floor with Legos in his hands. ERG! He then began to argue with me and yell at me that he was not actually playing with Legos. Oh really? Is that why your shoes aren't on and you have Legos in your hand?!

Now, of course there needs to be some discipline and consequence for his neglect of my instructions and talking to me in such a disrespectful way. However, this does not mean that I should fly off the handle, begin yelling my head off and completely lose my temper. One of the things we are really struggling with right now is teaching Joshua not to be so reactionary and inflammatory when he gets upset. Hmmm. I wonder where he gets that.

After calming down (about twenty minutes later after some more lecturing in a firm voice, but without yelling) , I explained that while his behavior was unacceptable and needed to be addressed, I should have initially reacted more calmly and should not have lost my temper. I said I was sorry for that and asked for Joshua's forgiveness. He forgave me and apologized as well.

Again, this is essential. We must reconcile with our children when we treat them unfairly and when we act in a way that we are teaching them not to behave. This is for three main reasons.

First, if we want our children to apologize and ask for forgiveness when they have hurt someone, we must set this example.

Second, if we don't want our children to yell, say hurtful things or speak disrespectfully to us or to others, we can't do those things ourselves. Children are smart and will see through our hypocrisy. They will not take our instructions seriously if we do not follow them ourselves. Apologizing when we have messed up gives the lessons we teach more merit.

And lastly, we must apologize and ask for forgiveness so that we heal our relationship with our children.

I go through this process with my children often on a daily basis, for it isn't rare that I blow up over something that I shouldn't have. I have had to apologize to a one-year-old that is only confused, frightened and hurt by their mother's temper, tiredness or foul mood.

I have had to apologize to the dog.

This is hard and humbling to admit, but it's true and it's real. My patience and my temper is something that I have had to work on since day one of motherhood. Okay, well maybe day 23. I have made a lot of progress, but it is slow and gradual. This is something about my personality that I will probably have to always work on. And that's okay.

That's what saying "I'm sorry" and asking for forgiveness is for.

PS - All moms are good moms. I am not just saying this as lip service. I BELIEVE it with all of my heart. I fear that my title for this series, "Being a Good Mom Means . . ." impliesd that I believe that you are only a good mom if you do it the way I do. Of course this is not so. There are infinite good ways to mother. I believe with all my heart that each mother is given the children God called her to mother and that God gives the specific children to the specific mother with the specific skills needed to mother those children. This series is simply supposed to be a sharing of what I have learned in the past eight years. It is now more appropriately titled, "For Me, Being a Good Mom Means . . ."

Camp Christmas!

Time for a new post. The unlike-me, political posting has been up for long enough and it's time for something more cheerful. However, I am glad to see that it had about 200 views and maybe I helped a little in spreading the word about what is going on.

I shared a posting and pics about the wedding last weekend, but said that I had more photos to share from other events and would be doing so in reverse order. So, here we go.

Let's talk about Camp Christmas. What's that, you might ask? Well, some of you may be frequent readers of Jenny's Thoughts, where this has already recently been explained. But in case you don't know, for a few years now we have spent the weekend around New Years at our dear friends, Mike and Jenny's house. Yes. We all move in. This means that Jason and I, Adrienne, Joshua, Noah, Veronica and Kahlua moved in with them and their three kids for three nights.

The reaction some have had to this can be quite amusing. It seems that some think this would be a loud, chaotic circus; some awful, unenjoyable, much-too-long experience. Okay, well it may be a loud, chaotic circus. There's no denying that. Six kids, one teenager, one dog and four adults drinking? That's like the epitome of a circus.

But if you think that the weekend would drag on too long, that we would get sick of each other or that it would be too close for comfort, you couldn't be more wrong. We didn't want to leave! And I'm pretty sure we never wore out our welcome. They did invite us back for dinner two weeks later, so that's a good sign :) Really--Everyone needs friends like Mike and Jenny, who are the most gracious, welcoming, laid back and fun hosting friends you could ask for.

We spent the days cooking yummy food, drinking yummy cocktails, playing games, taking the dog for jogs and talking. Jenny and I discussed at length our intentions to become the women we were meant to be in 2013, just like we have the past few years. We went to Mass at St. Joe's and took the children to see the Winter Wonderland in Bellevue.

Then, on New Year's Eve, we put the children to bed and Adrienne had sweetly agreed to babysit. We joined my family at my parents' house and then went out on the town in a party bus. Oh, yes we did. We had done this for my sister, Kristen's 21st birthday party last March. It was so fantastic that we decided that it was a must for New Year's. It's really the only way to roll. 24 of us dancing and drinking on a bus with a designated driver? Yes, please! We popped in at the Pike Place Pub and Grill for a while, watched the fireworks from Queen Anne's Kerry Park and ended the night by stopping at Dick's. The whole night was a hit -- my family is already talking about booking for next year!

Overall, Camp Christmas was another great success and on New Year's Day, it was hard to go home. It really was a blessed and merry way to bring in the New Year. Cheers to 2013!

A Second Modest Proposal

In 1729, Jonathan Swift's famous essay A Modest Proposal Began  . . .

IT IS A MELANCHOLY OBJECT to those who walk through this great town or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin doors,crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags and importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in strolling to beg sustenance for their helpless infants, who, as they grow up, either turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear native country to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes.

I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the kingdom a very great additional grievance; and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making these children sound, useful members of the commonwealth would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.

But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the children of professed beggars; it is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age who are born of parents in effect as little able to support them as those who demand our charity in
the streets.

In 2013, I humbly (but of course not as eloquently or poetically, but just as passionately and satirically) continue . . .

Rather, I would like to modestly propose that instead of letting this vast resource go to waste, we put it to great use! Instead of letting these unwanted, inconvenient babes to be born and become a great nuisance to our society, let's off with them and see what they can do for us.

I propose that from the aborted fetuses, we formulate ingredients to put into beauty cream and skin care products so that we no longer have to put up with the horrifying tragedies of wrinkles, blackheads and pimples!

I propose that from the aborted fetuses, we formulate medicine to put into our wanted, convenient, loved children so that they may not get sick!

I propose that we take these aborted fetuses and butcher them up, sell them, pack them and FedEx them to be used for medical testing. Our tax dollars could be given to an organization, let's just call it "Intended Procreation", so that they would support women and allow them to rid themselves of these babes. Then this imaginary organization that I just made up, "Intended Procreation", could profit even more from selling the now dead fetuses. Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a selfless organization that would serve us in this way?

I propose, since I really, really enjoy soda pop and crackers, that we take the tissue from these dead, unwanted babies and experiment new flavors and new sweeteners on them. Then my Pepsi and Nabisco products will be even BETTER! Who knows? Dead babies may taste good!

I propose, that even when a late-term baby is actually born alive, we still use it for testing and experimentation. We won't waste the money or time on anesthesia for it, will cut it open and perform experiments for the greater good! It wasn't wanted anyway.

Well, actually, we heartbreakingly already have. Don't believe me? Click (and click and click and click and click . . . ) below.

If you are interested in fetal free products, here is the web site of a company that I discovered today surprisingly based here in Seattle: http://soundchoice.org/
Aborted Fetal Cells in Beauty Cream
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/nov/3/aborted-fetus-cells-used-in-anti-aging-products/?page=all

Oklahoma Bill Trying to Make It Against the Law to Have Fetal Matter in Ingredients of Our Food
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2012/01/26/bill-would-ban-aborted-fetuses-in-food/
http://www.lifenews.com/2012/01/26/bill-would-ban-food-products-made-with-aborted-baby-cells/

Pepsi Stops Using Aborted Fetal Cell Lines to Test Flavors
http://www.lifenews.com/2012/04/30/pepsi-stops-using-aborted-fetal-cell-lines-to-test-flavors/

Obama Administration OK's Pepsi's Use of Aborted Fetal Cell Lines in Testing
http://www.naturalnews.com/035276_Pepsi_fetal_cells_business_operations.html
http://www.lifenews.com/2012/03/16/obama-admin-oks-using-aborted-babies-brains-in-lab-tests/

Vatican's Statement on Vaccines Being Derived From Aborted Fetuses
http://www.cogforlife.org/vaticanresponse.html

An Article from the publication Ethics & Medics about vaccines being derived from aborted fetuses
http://www.immunize.org/concerns/furton.pdf

A Response Letter From Merck Confirming that Vaccinations Come From Aborted Fetal Cells from Two Different Abortions that Occurred in the 1960's
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1tzFbUeiHM

A List of Products That Use Aborted Fetal Cells
http://preventdisease.com/news/12/030912_Avoid-Products-Containing-Aborted-Fetal-Cells.shtml

Planned Parenthood Possibly Profiting From Selling Aborted Babies for Testing
http://www.nrlc.org/news/2000/NRL05/randy.html

Selling of Aborted Fetal Parts
http://www.prolife.com/HarvestingAbortedBabies.html
http://cnsnews.com/news/article/no-federal-law-broken-sale-fetal-body-parts-us-attorney-says

Dissection and Basically Torture of Unanesthetized Late-Term Aborted, But Live Babies
http://www.hli.org/index.php/cloning/660?task=view