Monday, April 8, 2013

Now We Need To . . . -Part 3-

My past two posts have been addressing some of the concerns, questions and changes that have been taking place since finding out we are having another baby. The only concern that I have not answered is perhaps the biggest one; do I have what it takes to mother and homeschool four children?

For that week of anxiety (and also joy, of course) after discovering I was pregnant, one of the most fearful thoughts was, "Can I do this?" There was a bit of a mental block in my mind about the forth child. The jump from three to four seemed enormous. We were about to become a "large family". Of course, this is what I've always dreamed of. But sometimes when your dreams are about to come true, they can seem a little scary.

I began to have a lot of self-doubt. How was I going to do this?

Making a lot of practical decisions, such as adding on the forth bedroom and beginning Saturday grocery shopping, really did help me feel more at ease. At least I was developing a plan.

But I wanted to find out more about how mothers of large families do it. So I checked out a few books and began reading posts on other blogs written by mothers of large families, all giving advice on the logistics of big family life. And while I have discovered a few new ideas, for the most part I found something that provided me with an enormous amount of comfort and reassurance . . .

As I read all of these tips given by expert mothers of large families, I realized--for the most part, I already do them all! Of course, there is always room for improvement. But I was so glad to see that I am already practicing many of the ideas that these books and blogs talk about.

When discussing New Year's Resolutions at the beginning of this year with Jenny, I concluded that perhaps my resolution should simply be to do what I already know. I know how to cook healthy meals. I know how to exercise regularly. I know how to keep a somewhat decently clean house. I know how to keep on top of the laundry. I'm not bragging. It's just that I spent much of my 20's working on and learning about a lot of these skills. Now in my 30's, I feel that I may have figured out how I like to do things. For now, I may not need to read any self-help books. I just need to keep applying what I've already learned.

I'm afraid this is all sounding very arrogant. I am not trying to say that I've got it all figured out and that I don't need any help. It's just, what I need the most help with is not discovering new ideas about how to manage my life, but consistently living out the concepts I've already learned. That is what is most challenging for me.

Realizing that, in a large sense, I already know what I need to do, was very comforting. I can do this. I just need to stop reading about doing it, thinking about doing it, worrying about doing it, writing about doing it, and just . . . do it!

So bring it on. (About five months from now, that is.)

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