Friday, March 22, 2013

"We're Pregnant!" -2006-

When Joshua was about a year old, we decided to begin trying for another baby. We hadn't originally planned on trying again so soon, but we were so in love with our little boy and wanted to share that love with another baby.

Because we had become pregnant within just a few weeks the first time, I assumed that this would be the case again. It wasn't. Having three children now and being pregnant with our fourth, I realize I have absolutely no right to complain about our process of getting pregnant. I did not have to go onto hormone therapy, use any type of medication or even consider things like IVF. Each time we have tried, I have eventually ended up pregnant and I am so very, very grateful for that.

However, the process of trying to get pregnant can still be difficult for me. I have a very long cycle, usually ranging from 45-55 days. This means that our opportunities to become pregnant are less frequent. After several months of trying without success, we began to be a little more proactive by tracking my basal temperature each morning as well as other signs of fertility. While I know these have been very helpful tools for some couples when trying to get pregnant, they really didn't help us but perhaps only added to our frustration. My cycle is as confusing as it is long, and even with the tracking we could never really figure out when I was ovulating.

I'm not sure, but when I look back, I think it may have been a mistake to make these types of efforts. By tracking my temperature, it gives the impression that we are in control of the process. But of course we're not. The process of trying to get pregnant may have been easier for me if I had let go of my desire to control things. But of course this is so difficult. To trust in God's plan and that all will happen as it should is so very hard when you have plans of your own. 

One night after about nine months of trying, I was once again wondering if perhaps I was pregnant. But you have to understand, I felt like the boy who cried wolf. At this point, I had taken many a pregnancy test in the prior months, all of which were obviously negative. Because my cycle is so long, with each one I would become convinced that I was indeed pregnant. It really does feel like an evil trick of nature that the early pregnancy symptoms are so similar to the symptoms of being premenstrual. I would be very hormonal and hope that perhaps it was because I had become pregnant. I would be so disappointed each time my cycle started again and let's just say that sometimes I didn't handle it so well.

So on this particular night, I was again wondering if I was pregnant or just premenstrual. I expressed this thought to Jason as we were sitting on the couch, about to go to bed. "Do you want me to go to the store?" that sweet, knowing man asked. Why, yes, yes I did.

Ten minutes later, I peed on a stick in our tiny guest bathroom in our townhouse and this time, it was positive! I ran into the living room and Jason and I hugged and cried and laughed and called my parents three minutes later. Sound familiar? Yes, we realize we're not very good at waiting to tell :)

But we couldn't help it - we were just so excited!

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